Who I am

Today, I am Jinon...now if I only knew what that meant.

I went to the clinic where I used to work and walked around and it felt so strange. the girls were not there, they are in school now. It was quiet and sad. I kept expecting to see Brent walk around the corner wearing his silly school boy grin but the hall was empty... I am still affectionately referred to as "it" as in I am *the* babysitter. It felt good to know that they all still hold me in such high regards.

At my uncles funeral, I walked in and was greeted with "here she is, Nancy's clone". yes, that is who I am...little Nancy. Ever since I can remember, every Sunday, each and every family function i would hear, "you look just like your momma". I personally think my mom is beautiful so although I do wish I had an identity outside of being her twin...there is honestly no higher compliment. I mean seriously..who else can give birth to 9 children, and look like that in her 50's...NATURALLY!!!

I am also a super MEAN mom, who "hates" her kids and doesn't want them to have any fun. I guess I'm doing it right.

I am a homeschooler struggling through college.
I am a single Mom who loves her girls more than life.
I am the ex girlfriend who, once upon a time snooped and found reason to be suspect, but instead kept her mouth shut hoping and only received lies.
I am the ex-wife who felt the separation from her husband but was too scared to stand up and fight for her family.
I am the scared little girl who allows other to push her around
I am flawed, perfectly marked in His unique manner. Just as Amy Carmichael had brown eyes which she saw as a flaw...he used those brown eyes to spread his love and salvation to countless children. God will use my imperfections as he sees fit.

This list could go on...but tonight instead I choose a different path.

I am wise. I am resourceful. I am intuitive. I am strong. I am loving. I am beautiful. I am rare & precious, perfectly created in my Fathers image, equipped to fulfill his purpose. I am prepared to be a living example of his goodness & mercy. I am an ambassador of His love & provision. I am His princess.

There is a story of a little girl whose father had given her a string of fake pearls. and every night he asked her if he could have them. Each night she said "No". Then one night she trusted him enough and and gave him her precious pearls. In return he handed her a string of real pearls. So with that I submit. I hand my pearls, my hopes and dreams to God, knowing that he only asks me to sacrifice what my simple mind can imagine knowing that my heavenly Father has something much greater in store and he is just waiting for me to trust....Father, I trust you and I submit my life to you.

Happy Fall!

My little monkey isn't so little anymore, She has mastered climbing all the way to the top and getting back down!
She is also very helpful...with the right motivation ;-)

Little cheesehead!
Amelia is so silly, this bow was in her hair for all of 15 minutes...she detests bows in her hair.

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I keep thinking back to swim team and all the practices when we had to tread water for 5, 10 or 15 minutes and how excruciating it was, how annoying and boring it was. But sure enough it got easier and easier, until one day I found myself treading water for hours while having a conversation. Funny now, looking back I can see that even then God was preparing me for this. No, I am not treading water to cool down, or pass my Lifeguarding test...but simply to keep my head above water. I am treading the waters of my mind. Faithfully I kick my legs and wave my arms and survive each day. I hate it. It is bothersome and painful. But at the days end I fall into my bed happy, content and stronger than the day before. All in all I am so very blessed. Look at my happy girls and tell my I am not. I look at these faces and I can remember the way they smelled, the noises they made, the trouble they got into and I rejoice! I know this because I was there. Of all my blessings, family, friends, my life of luxury, the greatest blessing is that I am the one raising my girls. I could not ask for more. Abigail is so grown up.

verbal explosion

Yesterday while we are driving to Katy, Amelia wakes from her nap and proceeds to blow me away. The little girl opened her mouth and this string of new vocabulary words poured out...in sequence! As we drive we sing silly songs to pass the time so as Abigail and I are taking turns singing ~Abi-abi-aba-blail, ama-lea-la-lia~, lo and behold little miss pops up and says "No, Mommy, my turn. Abigail, no, Mia sing!" All of a sudden she is singing twinkle twinkle little star, our silly name song and "bad day" and talking about "going fast", "bye car", "go see sanna, dan, jubi, jed"...the list goes on! It's pretty awesome if you ask me, and I am so proud!!!

Also despite being stinky sick this week I went to class, and passed all my quizs, and even got a 100% on my psyc quiz! Wahoo, Go me!!! :-)