Who I am

Today, I am Jinon...now if I only knew what that meant.

I went to the clinic where I used to work and walked around and it felt so strange. the girls were not there, they are in school now. It was quiet and sad. I kept expecting to see Brent walk around the corner wearing his silly school boy grin but the hall was empty... I am still affectionately referred to as "it" as in I am *the* babysitter. It felt good to know that they all still hold me in such high regards.

At my uncles funeral, I walked in and was greeted with "here she is, Nancy's clone". yes, that is who I am...little Nancy. Ever since I can remember, every Sunday, each and every family function i would hear, "you look just like your momma". I personally think my mom is beautiful so although I do wish I had an identity outside of being her twin...there is honestly no higher compliment. I mean seriously..who else can give birth to 9 children, and look like that in her 50's...NATURALLY!!!

I am also a super MEAN mom, who "hates" her kids and doesn't want them to have any fun. I guess I'm doing it right.

I am a homeschooler struggling through college.
I am a single Mom who loves her girls more than life.
I am the ex girlfriend who, once upon a time snooped and found reason to be suspect, but instead kept her mouth shut hoping and only received lies.
I am the ex-wife who felt the separation from her husband but was too scared to stand up and fight for her family.
I am the scared little girl who allows other to push her around
I am flawed, perfectly marked in His unique manner. Just as Amy Carmichael had brown eyes which she saw as a flaw...he used those brown eyes to spread his love and salvation to countless children. God will use my imperfections as he sees fit.

This list could go on...but tonight instead I choose a different path.

I am wise. I am resourceful. I am intuitive. I am strong. I am loving. I am beautiful. I am rare & precious, perfectly created in my Fathers image, equipped to fulfill his purpose. I am prepared to be a living example of his goodness & mercy. I am an ambassador of His love & provision. I am His princess.

There is a story of a little girl whose father had given her a string of fake pearls. and every night he asked her if he could have them. Each night she said "No". Then one night she trusted him enough and and gave him her precious pearls. In return he handed her a string of real pearls. So with that I submit. I hand my pearls, my hopes and dreams to God, knowing that he only asks me to sacrifice what my simple mind can imagine knowing that my heavenly Father has something much greater in store and he is just waiting for me to trust....Father, I trust you and I submit my life to you.