family and home

First off, it has been a really, really rough week. Abigail has reached her limit of *ugliness* and consequently so have I. Without airing our dity laundry I will simply say God has been working and showing me where my focus needs to be. Instead of focusing all my strength and attention on where we should possibly move and where is the man God has for me...I need to focus on showing my daughter that having a man does not complete or define our FAMILY!! Neither does me having a degree. I do not feel that this is the time for me to commit to school. I am not saying I will not finish, but I need to be strong enough to to stand up to those who pressure me and say that it is not right for me at this time. I will not finish school at the expense of my childrens upbringing. They are the first and foremost important thing in my life and there is no job more important that raising my girls to be the women God created them to be. Man may not approve or respect me but I will have the peace of knowing I am following my Fathers plan.

I was selected to go to the Captivating Retreat this coming February in CO and I am so very excited to see what God has in store for me there! Please pray for God to prepare my heart to bend to His will.

I know that being a christian does not insure you the *easy* life, but rather a path filled with challenges and difficulties that seem unbearable and the point of those hurdles is to show that God is God and powerful beyond our understanding or imagination. Now my point in saying this is to admit my own desire to have control. I do not want to surrender to His plan because his plan scares me. The thought of being alone, that I may never again feel the comforts of marriage or the thought of having to endure the struggles of parenting on my own...I don't want to. I don't want to let go and say I trust God because I know once I give it all to him I am leaving myself wide open for attack. I have to pray. I know that if I am faithful He will protect us. I know that if I allow Him to take control then the outcome will be nothing short of a miracle.

Thank you all for bearing with me through this and praying when I cannot. As I was reminded by a good friend last night, I need to draw my strength from the word and not from man so please pray that I will be able to immerse myself (my family) in the word and that I will be able to drown out all ungodly influences and be strong when the enemy attacks.

God is Good!