Would you like seconds?

Life has been good...too good. I'm trying to be positive and ignore my intuition and claim the thankful heart I should have.

Today, I shall eat my words.

Brent had been dare I say *kind*. Kind that is for Brent which is not to say kind as in acting out of the goodness of his heart for no reason as a normal person would.

Anyway...not that anyone else will understand, but today I am angry. His *kindness* was fake. Fake as fake as fake! He is once again trying to buy our daughters love. And unfortunately she is his daughter too and so it is working.

I know why now...Abigail is the proud owner of a horse. I am certain my child is ecstatic. I am heartbroken I didn't even get to see her face. I regret very little about my life but I do regret ever so deeply sharing any of my dreams with this man who lives to steal them and live them out in front of me, with someone else. Life is cruel beyond imagination some days. I dreaded my children being ill and I am beyond grateful for their health...I never thought to be fearful of sharing my dreams.

I react, Deal with it. I am not made of stone. My "reactions" would be those feelings of sadness, slight betrayal and yes, anger. I do not act in these moments of hurt and this is what makes me dignified. I call my Mom or a friend and I talk it out in my safe place. If the worst I do is blog about my life, or heaven forbid write a letter when my husband is sharing Jezebels bed (without or without intercourse...an affair of the heart is just as devastating, if not more so)...then once again I will state, I am an amazing woman. I am resilient. I am dignified and I have handled this with grace. And yes I did just bring up events that took place 3 years ago as they have forever shaped the course of my life. I have moved on. I am with a man who loves, respects and accepts me with my scars. However I am not stone and these things will still effect my daily disposition. When I said it was getting better...yep, I take that back. And to end with Ryan's favorite quote...I think I'll go wash those words down with a warm glass of shut the hell up.