Real Pearls

Ryan sent this picture via text the other day to show me he had finished Amelia's bed and gotten her ceiling fan hung. The second picture is Amelia's response to seeing her room!! She was so adorable asking "is that my bed, is it a big fluffy bed?" and then making this face and saying, "because he loves me?! Aww, I wanna call him!"

After letting her call him I told him I was gonna have to blog about it, he said don't put me on a pedestal. To which I replied, but its lonely up here with out you! ;-) He thought it was gay...I thought it was freakin hilarious!!

So other than seeing my daughter light up, my personal moment of joy was feeling comfortable enough with Ryan to be my dorky self and laugh about the randomness that comes out of my mouth! :-) I think I love him a little.

I've been working alot and school is getting done. So far I'm managing surprisingly well all things considered. Who knew planning a wedding would take so much work! The girls keep me grounded with their daily "I love yous" and hugs. Amelia's random "I love you so much", "Aww, because you love me" and "I'm so proud of you Mom", keep her from spending her life in timeout! She also must have a sucker factory in her room because for every sucker I take away she has 2 more! Seriously...I do not know where they are coming from!!

Life is amazing and never before have I felt so very blessed! The saying about how God doesn't take something away unless he has something better is so very true. I have real pearls now! ;-)

Confirmation

So in my imperfect human moments, I doubt, fear and stress. Today after getting a hold of my mind and turning it around...I get this email with a picture and it confirms everything I need to know.

Yes, I am giving up the stable life I fought for and have maintained for the girls and I. Yes, it scares the crap out of me to feel like I am taking a step backwards. Yes, I am apprehensive about how to be married again and not allow it to kill my spirit. At that moment when the fear is about to overtake my heart I get a quiet gentle reminder. He loves you...

He is building a fence, painting Amelia's room, putting knobs on cabinets, ordering furniture. All of this because he is making the house a home for his family. We are his family and he wants to take care of us and provide for us...all because He loves us :-)

take a deep breath, exhale and jump...

There is alot to be said for being honest...I know I wasn't honest enough in my previous relationship because the truth is, I had no idea who I was. I have a better idea now, and my struggle will be to continue finding myself (and being true to who I am) instead of living for another persons happiness and approval.

If being married taught me anything, its that if both people are not entirely committed to making it work...it won't. No matter how hard one person tries, they can't carry a relationship. It is not about butterflies or laughter, it is about trust and knowing that no matter what, that other person will always be on your side. Even if they disagree with you, if you need space to shine or walk your own path...they will be there cheering you on.

I know that we will be fine, "with the help of God and the universe" (Thanks Kai!).
Of course, it never hurts to know that this man is just as committed to my happiness as I am to his! :-)