Birthday Recap and a few pics

Have I mentioned it was Abigail's birthday? ;-)

Friday we went to College Station early to have cupcakes and play at the park with our second family. No pics because we were enjoying our time too much to stop and take pics.

Saturday and Sunday were pretty fun too, from what I heard. Moody Gardens, a boat ride, cake on the terrace, pony camp and a dog fight, haha.

Monday Amelia and I took cupcakes up to Abigail's school to celebrate with her class then we did our family dinner at Rudy's. Both girls got all dressed up, it was too cute! I wish I had pictures of them in their hats with their purses, but again, I was slacking.



Abigail asked if they were going to come sing to her, and I told her I don't know if they do that here. So Amelia so kindly indulged her sister by serenading her, Awww!





Tuesday Jahna, Jubilee and Jessica came to Waco for the classic Target and Starbucks trip.

This Friday Abigail will go to the Miss Drill Team Texas Dance competition and work with Mimi and Pap Joe like the big girl she is! She will also get to celebrate (once again) with Josanna and Dan and GusGus!

Nearly a full week of birthday activities, Seeing as how this is her last single digit birthday it seems appropriate.

I am so lucky to be her Mom! :-D

Bittersweet Birthdays

Nine years ago, I was sitting in the hospital in Granbury Texas, admiring my newborn baby girl. Looking at this perfect, tiny human being, wondering how on earth I was so blessed. I knew that night, she had changed my life and I was beyond grateful.

Today, once again I am marveling at the blessings this child brings to our lives.

And I am in agony.

My girl is turning 9 today...and I got to hear her voice and tell her how loved she is, but I cannot touch her, hold her, hug and kiss her. There is next year, but she will be 10. Will she let me sit on the couch and stroke her hair and tell her about when she was a baby? Oh, my heart...

Sometimes I think I love my children too much. When they are away from me, the physical separation is excruciating. Perhaps it is the pregnancy hormones...but whatever it is hurts like hell tonight.

She will be home tomorrow. We will celebrate with her then. We will give her gifts and I will sit with her on the couch and tell her how she is my dream come true. I will marvel at how she has grown and we will have cake.

Tonight, Ryan has gone to get me okra, mashed potatoes and coleslaw because that is all that sounds appetizing. I will focus on this new life growing inside of me. We will sit on the couch and hopefully this baby bean will be very active and distract me from missing his sisters too terribly much. Ryan will bring home a movie and we will watch it and laugh. Josanna will be here in a bit and I will be so grateful for her company tonight!

While I am missing my heart, I am grateful that she is with her Father, creating new memories to replace the ones left 4 years ago. I pray they will be very, very special and dear to her heart and that she will remain as pure as she has thus far.


Today is the day I remember how nine years ago, Abigail Grace changed my world! Happy, happy day precious girl~Momma loves you more than you can imagine!

Part 2

26. Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones? Hmm...There are quite a few memories I'd be more than happy to relinquish, but to give up the memory of my girls as babies would be like cutting out my heart. Luckily, I do not have to answer this question :-p

27. Is is possible to know the truth without challenging it first? I don't think you can fully accept something as true unless you have examined what it is not, but then again I never challenged the Bible and I do know it is true.

28. Has your greatest fear ever come true? No...but I've been close.

29. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset? Does it really matter now? Yes, and yes. I believe it will always matter as it forever changed the course of my life.

30. What is your happiest childhood memory? What makes it so special? Reading at the top of the pine trees in Keller. Keller was my neverland.

31. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive? Honestly can't say

32. If not now, then when? When the time is right. A wise friend once told me that if you face adversity when trying to do something then you are challenging fate...when it is supposed to happen it is destiny and things just fall together.

33. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose? I have achieved everything I personally hope for...with the exception of 2 things which I am in the process of doing. I'd like to have a son and I would like to have a natural birth. Hopefully, next July I can cross both of those off my to-do list as well.

34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever? Yes...I have really good friends and family.

35. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars? Because people need some one to be wrong in order for them to be right.

36. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil? I used to think yes, but as I mature I think there is alot more grey. I think evil has more to do with a person's fear and how they allow it to manifest in their life. I am not saying there is no such thing as evil, only that evil is not powerful unless you give it yours. "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."

37. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job? No, but I might make it possible for a few other people to quit theirs.

38. Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing? I have come to the realization lately that I prefer to be busy. I don't like the days when I feel I have accomplished nothing. Not that I have a whole lot of days like that, but when I do they suck.

39. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before? Can't say that I have. With Amelia the pregnancy seemed very similar to Abigail's. This one has a life all it's own.

40. When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in? I turned my world upside down this past summer to get married. I gave up everything I could provide as stable and secure for myself and my children, stepping out in faith and placing all my trust in a man. Does that count?

41. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today? I don't believe in answering questions like this. It is irrelevant.

42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous? Nope, I don't need to look good to live a good life.

43. What is the difference between being alive and truly living? Passion and purpose. Without those things, you are merely existing.

44. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right? Doing what is right is the reward and therefore outweighs any risk. You just have to have the courage to do it.

45. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake? Because fear is our worst enemy...We have to learn that there is no such thing as a mistake, only detours.

46. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you? I'd probably tell more people off.

47. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing? When I am trying to go to sleep.

48. What do you love? Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love? My family...I would hope so.

49. In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday? What about the day before that? Or the day before that? I don't remember today what I did yesterday, so chances are, no.

50. Decisions are being made right now. The question is: Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you? Today has been a good day and I made that choice! :-)

Part 1

1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are? I forever feel like I am 12. Old enough to think I know what to do and how to do it, but still young enough to do it completely wrong.

2. Which is worse, failing or never trying? For me failing. It is concrete. If you don't try, then you don't fail and you can always wonder (or think) "I could?". But once you have failed, you have failed and you can never reclaim your hope. I face failure every other weekend and it doesn't get any easier no matter who says what.

3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do? Because we are humans and we seek the approval of man. Unless we learn to accept ourselves as we are in Christ and live our lives in that freedom, we will forever be bound with the chains of man.

4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done? Most likely. I think we are all more bark than bite, Its part of being a flawed with those dang human limitations. If I had unlimited resources, perhaps I could accomplish all my dreams, but sadly I do not.

5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world? I'd like for everyone to treat others the way they wish to be treated. Common courtesy is a lost art.

6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich? Watching kids. Honestly, nothing makes me feel more accomplished than going to bed exhausted after a chaotic day and thinking, "I kept 6 people alive today!". I have no desire to be a Doctor and save lives, but I do have the insatiable desire to sustain life.

7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing? I believe I am doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing, because it is what I am doing. I don't like it every moment of every day...I am determined to be peaceful in this moment.

8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently? I'd stop going to school & stop paying my credit cards and enjoy my last ten years working with kids. It may not make me rich according to the worlds standards, but I would have the treasure of knowing I had a part in the future by helping a child become exactly who he or she is supposed to be. And when I die...part of my will live forever in those young hearts.

9. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken? I have lived, I have laughed and I have loved. I take responsibility for the choices I have made and where they brought me. Once upon a time I thought my life was predestined. I have a different understanding of that word now. Predestined does not mean that life will be sunshine and daisies...it just means that whatever shall be, shall be. And while I still believe that God has ultimate control, I have freedom in this moment to make the choices that determine the path of my life.

10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things? I used to be obsessed with doing things right. But through the divorce I learned that trying to be the "good" wife will make you appear weak and boring, and trying to be "graceful and dignified" in a divorce translates to "doormat". Now all I can say is that I strive to do the best thing, the best I know how. They are not always right, but like I tell my girls, I have to be able to look myself in the mirror and respect myself in the morning. If I don't' respect myself, how can I expect any one else to respect me?! Sometimes this brings a crap ton of adversity.

11. You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire. They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified. What do you do? I would tell them they are misinformed and then start listing all the reasons said person is a friend of mine.

12. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be? Find the people who accept you as you are, invest in them and walk away from those who don't.

13. Would you break the law to save a loved one?
I believe a mother would do anything for her child.

14. Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity? Everyday I spend with children. Mass spaztastic chaos often looks different once they go home! :-)

15. What’s something you know you do differently than most people? Almost everything. I think differently than pretty much everyone I know. I think (analyze) ALOT! But it's getting better.

16. How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy? Because I am simply unique. Once upon a time, every choice I made was based on someone else's happiness...then I watched as that person slowly disintegrated into someone I don't even know. Now I realize the only person I can make happy is me, and the crazy, off beat things that make me happy are what make me a diamond, not a CZ.

17. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do? What’s holding you back? Travel and the obstacle would be lack of funds.

18. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of? Aren't we all?

19. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why? I wouldn't...Texas is where I was born and Texas is where I shall die.

20. Do you push the elevator button more than once? Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster? No, because I am afraid it might jam the system and I'll end up stuck.

21. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton? I would prefer to be a joyful simpleton, I have what I need. If I don't have it, I don't need it. This includes knowledge.

22. Why are you, you? Because it is who I was created to be.

23. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend? I have not always been, but I am learning.

24. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you? Losing touch when you are close in proximity. When you lose touch due do distance it is expected and to some degree unavoidable. But then you lose touch with a friend in town, it is a choice and there is always that wal-mart trip in which you see each other and are forced to endure the awkward silence.

25. What are you most grateful for? The ability to smile.

Snow Days

The weather has shocked us all this week! Tuesday everything was coated in a lovely layer of ice, which melted that afternoon but the chilly winds lasted through yesterday. Last night about 10:00 the strangest thing...it started snowing. This morning we woke up to a Winter Wonderland! We had at least 3 inches of this odd powdery stuff. They both woke up at 4 and were so excited they couldn't go back to sleep! Ryan went in to work, but school was closed so Abigail and Amelia are alternating between playing outside and watching TV while sipping hot cocoa to thaw out! Abigail attempted to make a snowman but found that the snow wouldn't stick together so she settled for a beautiful snow angel. I am content to snap a few pics and then observe from the window. My school is not closed so I am also trying to finish up this weeks assignments which are a little off schedule due to all the weather induced craziness happening around here!

Time to haul them back in for lunch...tomato soup and grilled cheese! :-)