2010

I have so many many feelings this week and so very many thoughts. Last week a friend from high school had to make the decision to have an extreme surgical procedure done on her daughter in an attempt to save her life. This has shaken me to the core! After my silly bout of self pity and questioning God I look at her situation and feel utter shame! Her child was a *normal* healthy 4 year old till last November at which point she had a seizure and discovered she has a terminal illness called Alpers. After months in the hospital and no answers, she is fighting like nothing I've ever seen for her baby girl! I am frightened for her, I cannot imagine being in her position. How can you make the decision to have part of your childs brain disconnected to possibly save her life? How do you sit there trusting God when your child, your flesh and blood is on the table. I am shuddering and crying as I type this. Dasa has astounded me with her strength, her peace, her resolve to accept whatever outcome and to fight every step of the way! It reminds me of Abraham...how do you put your child on the alter? God asks us to trust him but it goes against nature to offer your child, the child that grew inside of you as a sacrifice, and offering...of what?! How does a parent put their child on the table or alter. But that is what Dasa has done. She put her child on the table, trusting Gods purpose. She knew there was a chance her daughter might not wake up from surgery...but there was also a chance that this would save her life and possibly help find a cure for this horrible disease. I am amazed that she was strong enough to make that call. Her little girl is making improvements every day. Please today say a prayer for this sweet angel who was sent here to fight this fight and I pray she is the miracle child who leads the Doctors to a cure. Please pray for Dasa and their little family.

It makes my daily stresses seem like such childish dribble.

I have healthy obstinate children who test and strengthen me everyday. I have friends who challenge me to be a better person. I have a job that allows my heart to love more children than I could have dreamed. I have a family who annoys me every single day...I have them they are here with me. I have said so few goodbyes in my life and I am blessed that the goodbyes I say are not permanent. I have moved and the loved ones I have lost are living happy lives elsewhere. I am blessed in more ways than I can comprehend.

My goal, my resolution for 20120 is to be grateful, For the struggles, the pain and the weakness. As much as I say that...the things I have gone through are worse than I could have imagined, and but God doesn't give us more than we can handle and we are stronger than we realize because we are too timid to live the power of God that is ours as His children. I am so grateful for all I am learning and I am excited this year for the things yet to come. I know it will require change and I am embracing this change because I know it is only as hard as I make it. I will have the opportunity to grow and live new dreams.