Life of mine

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As much as it does still bother me...I have decided to have a different perspective.
She must still very much envy being *me*. You see, she wanted my husband. She got him but it wasn't enough...so then they decided they did want to be part of the girls lives after months of not seeing them. And so the visitation began. But even then...something was still missing. So she planned yet another wedding, bought who knows how many dresses, she married Brent and now they are having a baby and the icing on that cake is that she followed in my footsteps and is naming the baby with an "A" and hoping and praying she can deliver on the 19th...just like me! Well, I am deeply saddened for her. She may desire my life, she may desire whatever confident vibes I put off...but no matter what she does she will never be Jinon. She cannot be Abigail and Amelia's Mom, she can never be Brent's first wife. She will never be all that I was to him or to these children. She will have her own child and I hope she figures out sooner rather than later that the world does not revolve around her. She is in fact that very reason I believe as strongly as I do about parents who lie to their offspring and make them believe they are the center on the universe.


I'm getting off track....my point is this. I choose to see this as a case of imitation being the most sincere form of flattery. She loves my children, she loves the man I helped Brent become and she loves the life I had...and so she is trying to recreate it. No matter how hard she tries, this is one thing she can't have no matter how big a fit she throws. She can't because she is lacking the main ingredient~Me!! :-D



I have so many things I want to say, but I do not know where to begin. My mind is constipated. I like saying what I felt, it was liberating and therapeutic. But then people messed with my life, my blog and my head and I stopped. And now there is so much that was never released, it is poisoning me.

Go back 3 years. She was at my baby shower, she ogled my husband in front of me and had the audacity to tell me she wasn't in love with him. She was lying to herself and I made myself accept her lies. And now she is playing mommy to my children. Ugh. Will this ever cease to bring up my lunch?

She has no idea what I know. I doubt Brent was ever honest with her. He was too busy being seduced. They treat me as if I do not exist. The girls must fly to them every other Friday on a magic carpet and then disappear into thin air for the time in between. There is no Jinon. I'd really like to know what *I* did to *her* that was so wretched and wrong.

It would be so much easier to get over if she was not still trying to steal my life.
She told my child this weekend they are naming the baby Aven so all the girls will start with "A' and she hopes the baby is born on the 19th so they will have the same birthday. I swear...I have to take solace in the fact there is nothing she can do to remove my DNA from Abigail or Amelia, not matter what she lies about, hopes for or buys, they are still and forever will be, my daughters.

Perhaps it would not irk me so had Brent not specifically vetoed and and all "odd" names because he never wanted his children to feel ostracized or different. For goodness sake I couldn't use names like EmmaLee because of how I wanted to spell it(to honor my grandmother), it sounded too hick. Or the fact that I had to put my babies in the bed to sleep alone at 2 months because he refused to share our bed, yet now our 3 year old sleeps in the bed with them and is consequently having MAJOR sleep issues. How do you combat this...I have no idea, I lose every day and my soul is dying. It's not a fiery car crash, but Mary still gets her wish.