I know I've blogged about it before, but once again this morning I was reminded of how my parenting issues can be directly related back to my "childish" issues with God. Abigail has been using me as her "safe" place for awhile now and the other day I was off my game and fussed at her and said things I can't take back. As I was replaying the convo in my head for the 259th time this morning I realized something. How many times do we yell at God and blame him for everything that is wrong in our lives. We know it is going to work out, that He will love and protect us and get us through any and all circumstances we find ourselves in. This applies in nearly every situation I could think of this morning. As I watched Abigail walk into school, those feelings of overwhelming pride swelled up and I thought to myself she is such a beautiful girl and even when she is ornery and yelling at me I just love her so much! I could have climbed on top of my car and yelled out loud..."I just want y'all to know...Abigail is amazing and she is my kid!". On the way home Amelia and I were talking about how much I loved both of them and suddenly the sky seemed brighter and the trees seemed to glow with the last of their green. I was in awe at how blessed I am. Then it hit me~just a few days ago I was in the pit so angry at God I could barely pray. (You know its bad when the girls take turns praying at dinner as to avoid the tension when mommy tries to pass it off as someone else's turn) It is just like mine and Abigail's relationship. She yells and cries at me and tells me all the ways I have ruined her life. I do the exact same thing with God. Because I'm not God I fail in epic proportions at times and my human side slips with snotty words about Dad. But God never does that with us. I try desperately to justify myself to her...to tell her all the ways this was better, but inside I am hurting right along with her. God doesn't do that though. He never tries to justify His actions-he simply asks for communication, a relationship. He doesn't care if we are yelling at Him because He wants so much to be in our lives. Of course He ultimately wants trust, but he is patient with us as we mature. And in the meantime if we take the time to see it, he is on top of that car yelling for everyone to hear "that is my kid and I love her!". No matter what He is there and because He is in me-it's ok, not gonna be ok, but right now, in this very moment it is Ok. It's easy to say this today...it is a good day. Ask me how I feel in a few weeks.
Now to go analyze my relationship with the other child and see what i can find abtou my relationship with God :-P
On another note...George W. Bush's book comes out today. I'm going directly over to Amazon to order it. He was on the radio talking about a discussion he had with Billy Graham about using the Bible as a self-help book and how it can be used as such but that "self-help" is not it's purpose. It's is not about self...it is about Christ. Hmm... I'm uber excited to read it (and then pass it on to my Dad for Christmas! hehehe)
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