remember this

Looking 20 steps ahead to where you want to be will only leave you feeling unprepared and behind.

I posted on facebook a few hours ago that I was going to do what I could in the moment instead of looking ahead to where I want to be because it only makes me feel worse. Then I got off the computer and went to fix Mia lunch and get her settled for nap so I could get to work on my paper. Sounds like a great plan! :-)

:-( Except that Amelia did not feel the need to surrender to sleep. She has Mom all to herself and is in the strangest phase where she cannot get enough of me. I am not kidding, she was less needy as a newborn, eating on demand. At least then I could feed her and at some point she would fall asleep and I would have 45 mins of her not trying to crawl back inside! There are times I can be tolerant and enjoy her love~and then there are times I cannot.

Since I know I cannot be productive with my paper while she is awake I have to look at what else I can accomplish. So what do I do? I call to register for spring classes. I don't know where this path is leading me, I am currently working towards a degree in education, but I do not want to teach. I'd love to become an LVN, but not to work in a hospital. My newest infatuation is occupational therapy and to be able to work with down syndrome kids. I think I would be really, really good at that!

Then I have a day like today and I wonder if Amelia is the child to break me from my desire to work with or have more kids. Don't get me wrong. I adore her...but she is just a different child and leads me to pause and question myself DAILY! Amelia wants so much of me that I cannot imagine having another one or working with others while tending to her. Maybe she is trying to make us for lost time. She has never had me to herself and I guess she enjoys it so I will choose to feel blessed and loved by this little girl who runs our lives.

Because one day she will look at me and say, I don't want to hold your hand. Today I might desire that space...I know on that day my heart will shatter and I will wish I could be right back here with this monkey climbing and loving all over me.

I love you Mia Monkey~high as the sky! :-)