my highest highs are quickly followed by the lowest lows and I am reminded...this is only temporary.
The heartache, the constant struggle...it is but a day. Tomorrow is full of hope, and this is why I do not claim pessimism.
This weekend was going well, we went to the Tarrant County Buddy Walk in honor of sweet Keaton, then I got to go shopping with Jubie and Jed. We had a nice dinner out with David and Lisa and Lisa's hilarious Dad, Gerald. Then we headed home this morning because I have a hair appt scheduled in Bryan this afternoon.
And that would be about the time I lost it. If it's not one thing it's another. I've been doing really well, dealing with the audit and friends pregnancies and new babies. But not today. Today I am mad. Well, if I'm gonna be honest I have to say I'm straight pissed. Finding out a particular person is expecting...hit me and knocked me down and again, to be honest, I have no interest in getting up just yet. I'm angry beyond words. Not at her...not really even at God, but at the irony of my life. We make choices basing them on hopes and expectations and then when things don't work out just right we question those choices. (I am NOT, repeat NOT doubting my choice to marry Ryan for those of you wondering) Today I find myself facing the harsh reality that the life I want...the hopes and dreams I've held onto and chased are once again being doled out to others and I am once again a fit throwing child , screaming at the top of my lungs that it's not fair!
But we all know it doesn't change anything so I'm off to pick up the girls and get my hair cut.
Thankfully, I have this week off from school and I might take off from work too. I think I deserve it.
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