Cleaning has always been one of my go-to methods of stress management. People used to think my life is so organized and my house was always so clean...I don't think they think that so much anymore. HA! This is one my my biggest sources of stress as of late, as I try to manage the chaos of four kids plus a few...and I am failing!
But I still find on the craziest of days, that nothing calms my frantic nerves or slows my brain like cleaning the bathroom.
So last week, I took 5 minutes to soothe my soul and as I scrubbed the tub I was struck with a thought...
When I hear some one tell me, that I am not responsible for their happiness...they are actually telling me that they do not now, nor will they ever feel responsible for my happiness. This does not mean that they do not love or value me, just that their spiritual gift (if you will) is NOT service or words of affirmation
This is not a bad thing. But it is something I will need to work on seeing differently.
Because what makes me feel valuable is to be seen. This is how I show love, and it is also what makes me feel loved; To have others treat me the way I treat them.
From what I gather this is not necessarily the way all people work. Which is why I have struggled in my relationships. Would have been nice to realize this...earlier.
Additionally...as I am contemplating this on a human level, I also realized that what I feel makes me "valuable" to others, is also what I think makes me valuable to God. False.
Why it has taken me the better part of 32 years to understand Ephesians 2;8-9 I cannot explain. I learned that verse, committed it to memory as a 3 years old...but just the other day I "got" it. Maybe by the time I am 70 I will be able to live peacefully in the truth of it.
In the meantime...by bathrooms will continue to be meditation room.
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