thirty plus five

The last few years seem to have been a jumble...Of re-discovering myself, learning more and then realizing I am still exactly where I was a decade ago, with my head buried deeply in the sand.

This is where I say, eh...life.

A decade ago I turned 25. Shortly after I found out I was having my second child and I was on top of the world I remember the german chocolate cake made with love and the paisley pumps I splurged on at payless then later returned, which I regret to this very day.

Oh, memories...I have to stop you there.

This birthday is a turning point. I have grown so much since then, I have aged many,many moons...and yet my soul feels younger.

I would love to say I am much wiser...but no. It is taking me a very long time to learn that the only key to true happiness is to be aware and appreciative of life in it's "as-is" state.

It is what it is ... which is exactly as it should be.

I get angry and anxious...but then the feeling of peace comes and brings sweet relief and lifts me higher than I dare to dream.

This year is hopeful. I am certain it will bring it's fair share of storms...but I have re-discovered the little girl who loved to dance in the rain with abandon and dare the storm winds to blow her down or climb to the tips of the trees. I can embrace this daringly brave soul once again because I remembered it is NOT a negative mindset that calls these things to me, but rather my unwavering faith, courage and strength.

What does not kill you makes you stronger. When people try to beat you down with nasty words or accusations, it is because they are frightened by you and need to convince you that you are small so they can be big. I do not need to be big to be strong.  I forgot that for a couple of years.

Slowly but surely...I will remember who I am. This year I am giving myself a different set of gifts.

I am giving myself love. Acceptance. Space. Time. Compassion. Nourishment.

and the thirty ways I plan to do this are...

1 Sleep.
2 Drink (more) Water
3 Eat
4 touch the earth every single day
5 smile
6 read
7 write
8 reflect without judgement
9 be curious
10 run
11 release the energy drainers
12 hug
13 breathe
*14 do what brings you joy because it brings you JOY...not in a spirit of obligation
15 forgive yourself when you fail at #14
16  allow to see past the words and feel the love...
17 publicly acknowledge the good...
18 invest on others
19 grow something...whether it be your mind, a plant or a relationship
20 be silly
21 invest in yourself
22...


I have the rest of my life to figure out the rest. :-) Till next time...