Lazy?

Among the million thoughts floating through my mind the last few days...

1) what if instead of trying to figure out what I am doing to "cause" my child's undesirable behavior, I view it as part of their journey of self-discovery? I spend so much energy thinking of how I can redirect, positively reaffirm or buffer natural consequences. Would it be terribly "lazy" if I just let them be? I do want to protect them, not to mention it is easier to blame myself and change my behavior than theirs (control issues much?!) ...but does this teach them responsibility? What will they do in the real world when faced with injustice, hurt or disappointment and no one steps up to say, "oh, that's my fault". Because when was the last time I witnessed another adult voluntarily take responsibility for another adult's misteps? It is hard enough to get them to be accountable for their OWN mistseps in my personal experience. Everyone is looking for a scapegoat! I digress...

2) If my kids hear me give advice; but see me struggle or fail completely to do as I have instructed...what is that teaching them? Shouldn't I love/respect myself enough not to settle for less just like I tell them? And how can they trust what I say to be true when I am not personally acting on it.

When they see me make excuse for and accept the unacceptable from all the adults...why wouldnt they test the boundaries. Wait, what boundaries?!

3) What is it that drives me on this insane quest to be more, do better, improve all the things ... while running on the hamster wheel that is my life. How will my life ever be any different if I keep doing the exact same thing?! #insanity

4) what if I valued my mind the same way I do my body? Is it not just as valuable? Does it not need to be fed.

5) what would happen if I stopped trying to figure it all out and make sense of life and just.... Existed?