sit down and hush

I find myself saying this quite often as you may imagine. Today it has a different underlying message.  I have often felt called to share but every time that thought surfaces, I quickly stomp it back down in fear. I have four kids and have been working for years but I am realizing now that the most exhausting thing I have been doing is trying to stay put. Fighting against the current of life, stuffing my feet into too small shoes, wrapping my feet all the way around those chair legs.

What happens if I stop fighting?! I complained for YEARS about being in the waiting room...because I was too damn scared of what was outside. The fear, the pain, the struggle became my comfort. When joy presented itself- I hid, for fear that when I stepped out the sky would fall. I plan my movements around "Murphy".

I decided to stop doing this. I am looking for new opportunities and trying all the things.

Over a decade ago, I had a revelation and confidently stated my purpose in parenting. Then the world tried to swallow me whole. It took years to find my footing...but I did it. I stood back up and climbed higher than I dared to dream.

 Today I am sitting on this familiar ledge, having learned and experienced a good bit and I want to share because it feels too good not to.

If you are a parent, please listen carefully. If you are not a parent, please listen carefully. Whether you believe in God or the Universe or takis...listen carefully.

You are here, in this moment and you are OK. You are alive, you are loved and you have places to go. You will feel lost and defeated...but there is a reason you are here on this earth. You have something to share. Take a deep breath, stand up straight and take a step.

If you like to talk to people...talk to all the people. If you need a day of silence; take a walk, listen to the wind in the trees, they will speak to your soul. If that sounds crazy then find what works for you. When you find what makes your  heart smile and you can feel the air deep in your lungs, be brave enough to share it if you think it will help someone.

Abigail is 16, and on the cusp of deciding she is too cool and too smart for me. I'm OK with that. Because it means she is BRAVE, It means I have given her what she needed. I gave her love and security and allowed her soul grow.

For Amelia being brave is autonomous, still I choose to see it as a good thing. They will face struggles but I want them to know it is OK to try and fail. Not to be confused with wanting them to fail but rather that I want them to know how to stand up, readjust and try again.

 We are working on completely different and yet the exact same things with the boys....but overall parenting comes down to a few simple thoughts.

You alone know how best to parent your children. You may read all the books. You may be active in all the parenting groups and triple wash all the organic foods. Regardless, you and your child will struggle. Your kid will act like a fool. You will react and feel regret. Pretending you don't...doesn't make you better, It makes you a liar.  Own it, readjust and try again.

When they fight and scream, handle it how your gut tells you to. If can bring yourself to give them a hug and help them find their calm, great. If you can't and you scream at them to go their room because you both need space- fantastic. If you handle it one way and feel gross, talk to your kid tell them you are sorry and ask them to help you make a plan. Give them ownership and watch them flourish.  You will flourish too.

At the end of the day ask yourself if you spent more time and energy trying to get your kid to sit still and behave so they didn't embarrass you... check your motivation. Remember your kids are their own person with their own purpose and you do not get to assign that. Regardless of how they ended up being "your kids"...there is a reason and it's not to make you feel good or famous. We are involved in kids lives to help them become who they are supposed to be. To give them courage, to help them learn to step in faith, to watch in awe as they go further and do more than we ever could.

Let your kids be who they are. You will be amazed at their awesomeness when you sit down and hush. They will look back to see if you are watching. When they fall don't rush to them (this was a hard one for me to learn, I can own it)...nod reassuringly that you know they can handle it and watch them grow. If you are really paying attention, they might even teach you something.