"There is no foot too small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world."

Today I find myself with two options.

#1) Be sad, better yet angry and focus on "why?!"

#2) Accept it is not my will but His and that he had a reason better than mine.

Earlier in the week, a friend had blogged about the inevitable "why" of when things go wrong. She had some great points...which I had no way of knowing would impact me so greatly today.

Without giving a lot of details, (because we hadn't told alot of people) Today we found out what could have been, wasn't going to be. I've been through a couple different versions of hell in the last 3 years and each time I think I've crossed over and faced the most difficult challenge in my life...I learn I am wrong. To see that tiny baby on the screen, lifeless, officially tops the pain chart.

I have peace. I know the medical reasons...but more than that, I have faith. I know that my baby wasn't equipped for this world but that I will see him or her eventually and they will know that Mommy loves them. And no matter what, even this short little life will impact the world somehow, because they always do.

Not to sound callous, but I firmly believe it is better to focus on the good and so today I count my blessings.

I am grateful that it was early.

I am grateful for a compassionate Doctor.

I am grateful for a husband who held my hand and made me laugh, while making it ok to cry.

I am grateful for the two, perfect and healthy little girls who are oblivious to the situation.

I am grateful for family who would drop anything to sit beside me.

I am grateful for friends who recognize & validate my pain while allowing me the space and time to deal.

And if I may ask for just one thing...I pray for courage. To endure the really yucky part of this.