midnight rants in my mind

Do you ever have those moments late at nights where just as your body begins to relax your mind suddenly has a breakthrough and all the answers to all the questions are *right there* and if you can just wake your mind up enough you know you could grasp them? Oh, you don't...you just fall asleep. Wow...and how?

Okay but really, I know I'm not the only one. Sometimes I can wake my brain, or maybe I just sleep solve my issues, but I can hardly ever gather my conscience enough to jot them down to type the illusive answers to all my problems. 

The other day the thought rain hit me in the shower. It had been such a good day with my kids and my brain woke from its mom-stupor and actually thought a new original what if I spent time creating lessons plans. I had come across an evaluation/grading rubric form one of my teachers at Liberty and her words resonated, wake my creative soul and I allowed myself a moment to dream of doing what I love. I even dreamed a bit future about writing enough I could put together a sort of curriculum for preschool teachers that would lay a whole different foundation by introducing concepts using their sense that allows the children to experience the content in an applicable manner, harnessing the wonder, natural inquisition and the immense brain power of the developing minds between the ages of 3 & 5...we could really change things!

And then my brain died a little because while the thought itself gets me silly excited...the how to begin stops any and all air and blood flow to my brain.

The thoughts resurfaced again a little later, but that was days ago and now I have had conversations with my 15 year old about parenting, the right and wrong ways, (cause you know teenagers know exactly how one should parent, correctly. Just kidding, she actually has really good insight and listens really well from what I see and hear).

Also...I have been missing my Mom because she flew the coop to the other side of the world and took my Dad with her this time. Dang parents...trying to go and do some good in this world really puts a cramp in my communication.

I had a plan to also cover how I am tryign to figure out how to feel good enough about myself not to care if I am perfect without somehow letting myself go so far that I circle back aroung to self loathing. This is a really tricky one.

And in my mind it also somehow relates to the events in my past that have left scars and make me wild and filled with a vile venom for all things patriarchal adn churchy...and how people are starting to wonder how i got so far away from how I was and how my parents raised me. 

Marriage yall...

But thats about all I have time for right now so I'll have to come back to this. In the meantime, if you want to actually follow a moms thought train through and actual and complete thought...google Cristina Boyce and check out her blgo today about loving your dang self.