may

WOW! Time is flying by, before I can process what is going on in this moment the next has already begun. I can't catch up. Abigail has been doing very well with swim team and now that school is out, she has been enjoying the freedom we adults only dream about ~ playing outside with friends, climbing trees, riding bikes, jumping on trampolines, running through the sprinkler after eating Popsicles. Now if she could just figure out the bike riding thing...

Dare I say it, Amelia seems to have calmed down a bit. Only a little bit but enough for me to breathe. :-) I love this child and she keeps me skinny for sure! She came to give me a hug this week as she told me "you my best fwiend, mommy". LIFE IS GOOD! :-)

meet pics

Swim meet!

Pics to come but here is a brief update :-)

Abigail did AWESOME!!! I am so proud of my lil swimmer.
She and Katelyn (BFF) got first in their heat for the Medley Relay, and Abigail placed first in her heat for 25 Free! I am a little unsure of her place in 25 Back, but she finished and did not stop once. It was the most incredible thing to watch! She even got a heat ribbon so now, after a little bit of uncertainty, is now offcially hooked! She was so cute when she told me "I guess I really am good at swimming!" I told her, of course you are, "it's in your blood baby!" I was honestly moved to tears as I hugged my girl. There are no words to explain the feelings that threatened to burst through my chest :-)

She is off to a great start and this girl is gonna "ROCK THE BLOCKS!!!

Summer!

Summer is nearly upon us, WaHoO! Abigail has her first swim meet of the season tomorrow and her last day of school is Monday. I am finished with classes and taking the summer off to enjoy my kids, YAY!

Josiah is back on Texas soil for R&R and hopefully we will get to see him when we go to Stephenville for Juriah's Baccalaureate.

Gus is home from the NICU and we are all smitten!

Abigail and Amelia are going to spend a week with their Dad and help him get married! Congrats Dad! I'm really proud of Brent for involving the girls so much and making an effort to make it fun for them! it sounds like it will be a great party and I have even been promised some pics of my sweet girls! :-)


This is not the life I imagined, but it is the life I am blessed with, and I am happy.

Tuesday highlights

Funny moments from my day with 5 kids under 2.

As we are going in to the bathroom for diaper changes, David stops Kaeden and says "ladies first" Aww, they really do listen :-)

Later Kaeden tells me he loves me and is gonna eat me in pieces. This little guy has stolen my heart. I love Kaeden days mostly because he loves his Jinon days :-)

Amelia despite being so *spirited* is just amazing and I love, love, love her and her stinky little moments! When she makes her fun kissy face and says "I love you soooo much" in her growly voice all is lost!

Abigail has a crush...she is in love with a 10 year old boy down the street. Oh my girl is growing up. This past weekend in stephenville she got upset when I wouldn't let her walk around the park with the "big kids". She said that when she was with the big kids she felt cool but hanging out with me made her feel like a baby :-(

The boys were in good moods today so the 12 hour day really didn't seem so overwhelming. Maybe because I could focus on the kids and there was no school to stress me out. I was able to get the backyard mowed so we played outside alot today. Days like this are why I actually love my job!:-)

My forever friend brought me chick~fil~a and a moment of peaceful acceptance. I love this lady! Then her sweet Momma saved my bootay by taking the girls to swim team since I was working late.

My other kind neighbor pointed out that the new lights I got for the walkway were not working and he asked me if I knew why. Well, they are solar lights and I assumed they weren't getting enough light. He then asks me if I turned them on...huh!? And this is why I want a man. I do not NEED a man, I just want one for times like this and to take out the garbage because I keep forgetting. I am a girl, how was I supposed to know you have to turn *on* solar lights. I can get 6 kids (under 3) to take a nap at the same time and that is WAAAYYY more important in my book!

Its all good in my neighborhood :-)

Words of encouragement!

So after feeling like a complete and utter failure in the parent department the past few weeks, I got the sweetest comment on my last blog. Thanks Carmen!

I also got the coolest Mothers Day card. Eeven sweeter was Abi was apologizing because "Dad picked it out before we got there and he doesn't know we aren't allowed to watch spongebob. I consider that my gift...she knows her boundaries! (proud sigh!) It is one of those cards that talks and says "you're my best friend!" Is there any higher compliment from your 7 year old? I am biased, and she has her moments but over all I think my kid ROCKS!!! Abigail is a very special little girl, she has faced some very difficult trials, and I think she has handled them with maturity and grace beyond her years. She is smart, healthy beautiful and has a heart of pure love! I am very blessed to be her friend :-)

So all in all my life is beyond AwEsOmE! I have moments when I am sad, and life is HARDER than I ever imagined, but despite all the snotty noses, muddy hands, peas in my blinds and downright ugly days, My kids love me and I have friends who think I'm pretty cool.

My peaceful thought for today is, "I am not who I was yesterday, I am stronger, wiser and more loved. If tomorrow comes I will change once again. I am who I need to be for TODAY, and that is all that truly matters."

Okay, Seriously

Amelia is beyond me. I have no clue how to *deal* with this child!! Oh my goodness! I have watched ALOT of kids, and dealt with a variety of behavior issues but this one is my kryptonite!! I am not even kidding. So my very serious, "I do not care if it makes you think less of me" prayer request is that God will send a father for Amelia. I know I know, she has a Father. But Brent is not here and she needs a Dad who is here with us every night. She needs a dad with a deep voice to catch her and make her think. She needs a dad to love her and back me up, helping me keep her in line. It sounds absurd, it sounds old fashioned, it sounds...oh, I do not care how it sounds. I am praying for a miracle.

God may not answer...he may tell me to wait and I may look like a fool, but oh well. I've been there before.

Please pray with me.

Intentions and purpose

I'm still trying to figure this all out. The pain is subsiding to waves that wash over me and the storm is calming as the waves seem more the like the tide going back out now. I'm stronger. As our relationship, when it is good it is really good, and when it is bad it is really bad. I still have moments where tears overwhelm me and I feel like i have run into a brick wall. But they are brief and becoming less frequent. He moved on, and without realizing it I have too. Not to another person or another relationship just simply realizing who I am, and who I am not.

Mostly who I am. I've known all along who I am not. I am quite honest with people when they meet me. It is not until I fear you will leave that I begin to hide myself, morphing into what I feel you want me to be. I never claimed to be a pocket full of sunshine. I am genuine. I am hopeful. I am content. I am grateful and I cherish those feelings far above simple happiness because without being content and grateful, happiness is just a mask people wear. I love with all my heart and I give as much as I can. I am a dreamer. I am also a very determined woman. One who commits with all she has and sticks by her word. I am beyond rare in that I do not give up. I might get scared and hide, and I might test you and let you down...but I do not walk away. I admit my mistakes and I make it right.

And if I can be patient and be thankful for this moment I know that at some point I will meet a man who will actively choose to stay with me instead of looking for a reason to run. That is what love is, an action, a verb. Not just in the holding of hands or kissing, but in the rough moments of life when you have to be tough. In that moment where it all seems so miserable and exhausting, all you can think about is running away or finding someone to make you happy and have fun with. When you truly LOVE someone, in that moment you take their hand and renew your intentions and purpose, choosing to stay. I feel sad for those chasing the dream that does not exist. They may find temporary happiness but at some point we all must face our demons.

I know that my heart is pure, intentions are honest and my purpose is strong. One day a man will see that and know I am worth any battle he must fight to be with me.

Until then, I will hope.