and the journey continues...

Amelia started Parent's Day Out or "school" as we are calling it last week. She started in the 3 year old class, but this week got moved on up into the Pre-K class, because the Director noticed she was "just a little more mature". I'll admit I was slightly concerned after a few of the days we have had at home, but she is doing great!! She wasn't sure about the nap (we have had to forgo them at home in order to get 8 hours of sleep at night) but this week she slept for an hour so I think we are in the clear. I am really proud she got moved up, we have worked on school at home, but she has a very independent, perfectionist attitude and just a wee bit of a temper so it has been a challenge, but to know she was able to hang with the bigger kids was a huge relief. And she was super excited, her response to the news "I knew it, I knew I was a bigger kid. YES!! I am so excited!" Aww...my angel baby is growing up.

In other news...I will be teaching in the toddler room at PDO on Tuesdays and Thursdays! I am also super excited! I applied to be a sub and when Mrs. Allison interviewed me, she offered me a "full time" position. I didn't realize I missed working with kids so much...but the excitement I have to start tomorrow proved otherwise! It's a new chapter :-)

Abigail is loving her new school and has made some good friends. She continues to excel and earn high praise from her Teachers. I am quite proud of both my girls and how resilient they are, in short...I think they are pretty awesome! :-)

As far as healing...there are days when I am still quite sad. I have had moments of depression and anger, as well as moments of happiness. I didn't realize how much I was looking forward to having a baby until I realized I wasn't. I don't process my emotions immediately. As with previous heartbreaks, in the moment my "warehouse" takes over and I respond the way I feel I should...then later I get good and mad because I didn't' take the time to mourn and that time passed. My goal in this has been to handle it, force myself to see/feel it now so that in 6 months it is not still controlling me. I've gotten lots of great advice and words of encouragement so I tend to react the way I think people want me to, instead of how I need to. I don't want to forget. I will let the tears flow until there are no more. I will allow myself to yell, question and express my bitter anguish over the loss of our baby.

And after I have purge the negativity, I will focus on what I have. After a lazy rainy day with my family, I choose to go to bed content. Pleased that the house is clean, kids are bathed and healthy, excited for the adventure of tomorrow and loved, so very loved.