strange

The girls and I got to talking about laughter the other day and how different peoples laughs sound. Abigail was saying that Axel's laugh sounds like a girl. I explained that it was just because he was a baby and his vocal chords are not mature yet. Then I said, your Daddy has a high pitched laugh too. I told her that was one of the first things I noticed about him, and how even now I can hear it in my head and it makes me laugh. Nto in a bad way but a happy way. I told her that when he laughs his eyes twinkle and that she should watch next time she is there.

What happened next threw me for a loop...she was all "mom, you have a husband". What?!

I told her yes, and that I love Ryan very much. All I was saying is that her Daddy's eyes twinkle when he laughs and I asked her why that bothered her.

She said it didn't bother her, she just thought is was weird to hear me talk about him like that.

Then Amelia pops up, "it's because she loves him Abi, he is her first husband!"

Ohmyword!

I put a crap-ton of effort into only saying positive things about their father. That is not true. Its not hard to do for him. Its a crap-ton of work to only say nice things about her, especially when the girls come home telling the stories they do, trying to make sense of how she behaves! But I do the best I can to explain thats just how she was raised. I do this for my daughters hearts. I remind them how much their Daddy loves them and I try to redirect when the convo goes somewhere I can't deal with. He is a big part of who they are and to talk negatively about him would mean to them that I am talking negatively about them. I love my children more than anything in this world...so as much as I do not talk bad about him, it has come to my attention that I do not talk enough about our happy times. I had kinda figured that already, which is why I was writing our story here. This just confirmed what my heart was telling me.

So if by chance you are reading this and have negative feelings regarding my "backtracking", hopefully this will shed some light on the issue.