How can it be a bad day when you start off with cookies! Especially the tiny pink and white frosted ones with sprinkles! It feeds my inner child. :-) And Jahna is playing her new cd with the yellow polka dot bikini song...a fun way to start the day.
On to more serious subjects...
Took the girls to Brent last night. Mom and Dad went with me and maybe now they will understand that while it is not the worst thing that can happen, it is still a bitter pill to swallow. Brent started off in a funky mood because I switched the meeting place since I am in s'ville. I guess he had a bad day and to some degree I must still be a safe place or him, but I was strong and I stood up to him in a very respectable manner. No ugly words, just facts. By the end of it I did end up driving 15 minutes more because he was running an hour late, but he actually thanked me and asked if Abigail had everything she needed. I felt like it was a really good thing. Now did it make th trip home any less solemn and lonely, Nope. Oh~well.
As for other areas of my life. Well, I learn daily what growing up truly is. So far I've learned that when people need distance it doesn't mean they don't love you. Sometimes everyone needs to be alone with their own thoughts. Being alone with my thoughts...is down right scary and I don't like it. A few weekends ago I was reading a book by the lake and it scared me. Here, I've been thinking I'm over what happened...only to realize the scars go much deeper and no...I haven't dealt with everything and that could possibly be the missing link in my effective parenting chain right now. I'm thinking...I can do this on my own. And now I realize that while I *can* it is not a good idea. I do not want to become who that would make me. I have support, and by not allowing others to help me I am depriving them of the privilege of loving me. I am also capable of jumping off a bridge all by my lonesome...but why would I do that? In my mind, I feel like I am so preoccupied with doing it on my own I am not looking at what that is truly costing me. I have days where I wake up really happy...but the first time the kids scream or tell me "no", my day is shot. And then every time something goes wrong I just get more and more negative so that at the end of the day anything that might have been positive is far outweighed by the negative. I've got to re-adjust my thinking and learn to let it go. And just breathe, live and love. I haven't been loving my people the way they deserve and I miss them so much. Abigail has been off in her own world for far too long. School is about to start for both of us but we will find a way to reconnect. I hope in 22 days Chris misses us as much as we miss him.
Again, a bunch of words that don't mean much to anyone but me. Now I want to go shopping. :-)
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