I knew it was coming...

As I kissed her goodnight, the tears came. I looked at this girl and wondered, where the heck did the last ten years go?! I remembered all the anticipation of her arrival. All the joy and apprehension, discussing names and praying she would stay put until after Brent's test. I had no idea what I was in for as we checked into the hospital that night, trying to watch TV and read magazines...it is all a blur. Suddenly she was here. Her Daddy was smitten. When he looked at her I saw what the Troopers were saying about how he used to look at me. (They are my memories~if it bothers you to read this, feel free to leave the page.) He took such good care of us. He didn't want Jed to hold her because he was a "carrier monkey" and he was afraid she would get sick. He held her and they "studied" together. No wonder she is as smart as she is! Priceless memories...like a double edged sword. She would sit a read books in her room, she would write on her feet like her Daddy did. The night we made her a "dress" out of the leg of his torn wranglers. Her wearing his boots...Watching them play in the leaves or walk on the beach. His love wrapped around her, only in those moments that I let my guard down because I knew he would never let anything hurt her. Looking at her tonight, I once again felt overwhelmed with failure. This wasn't how her life was supposed to be. Divorce wasn't supposed to be a word in her vocabulary. I wanted so much more for her. She is so smart and even though Amelia bugs the everlovin crudnuggets outta her, she is protective as the day is long. Just yesterday in our local ghetto HEB, she wouldn't take her eyes off of her baby sister and kept telling Mia not to let go of the cart. It was one of those moments I wish I could bottle up and put in the safe. While cleaning I found some pics of when I was pregnant with Mia and Abigail was "chasing her" with the flash light...is it any wonder why Amelia tortures her now?! Hahahaha, payback! :-) This girl...changed my life and continues to do so every single day. I love her so!