just some sentances

Feeling very stressed. Too much going on, and can't really talk about it with anyone anymore. Which just sucks. People suck. Called to make a counseling appt yesterday. I know my issues and how to deal with them. Same old crap. How do I deal with other people is the question. How do I keep getting in this situation. Where are the people who accept me for me...for real. Not just while I fit their agenda or mold? So tired of it all...where is my hole. Missing my sisters, and my parents and feeling "safe". I want to go home this weekend and be able to breathe, but I am sure that's not gonna happen. Really need to find someplace here that I can go to. Maybe Axel and I will explore the Lake this weekend if the weather is nice.


On the other hand~ I adore my kids. Work is great. Trying to build new friendships here is nice because they don't know all my crap. (Problem is I like to talk and be open and real. Which never fails to bite me in the arse so I am practicing being guarded). School is getting done and everyday is a good day. There is so much beauty and love around us, the lows are just part of the ride.

Working though some serious issues with Abigail, made a few appointments for her. Hoping to help her find some peace. She has so much going on at school she is getting overwhelmed with life. She is trying to please so many people and it not healthy. Unfortunately other people in her life are too preoccupied with Mia's free spirit to see the struggles Abigail is facing, so I'm trying to muddle through these waters alone...again. I also recognize that my attitude is not good for her and this is one of the reasons I will be going back to the counselor. (BTW~Anyone who thinks they can handle my situation better, feel free to wear my shoes for a bit. Until then....mind your own business.)

Amelia is next. Little girl...BIG attitude! She is in one of my favorite (said in my snarky, sarcastic tone) stages where she wants (DOES NOT NEED) constant attention. She gets plenty...but its never enough for her. She wants to be a star, on stage, center of attention. I keep telling myself to enjoy it because next fall will be here soon enough and then its a whole new ballgame!

Axel is mobile. He may not officially crawl, but he rocks on all fours. Rolls and pivots to get where he wants to go. Has pulled up on several things, and can get to and from a sitting position without help. He loves to eat at dinner with us and is overall such a happy baby! He is a little needy in that he prefers nursing and likes to be held while he falls asleep. He is a cuddle bug for sure! Since neither of the girls really were, (they liked to cuddle but not for extended amounts of time) it has been difficult for me to get him on a schedule. I am enjoying having a "baby".

There is alot more in my mind, and I know it would make me feel better to blog it out...but I am not sure that is a good idea considering the relationships they regard. Somethings are just better left in the archives of my mind.