Monday munchies

The title really has nothing to do with the topic of this post, its more a description of my mood.

I'M STARVING!

anyways...

Today was a typical Monday, meaning the kids were in a "entertain me otherwise I will make your life miserable" mood. Since there were 4 of them, each wanting to be entertained, I had a situation.

Enter the balls. You know, ball pit balls. You can get a big ole bag of them at Target for less than $15. Worth every penny and this is why.

Today the balls were fun to roll around in. This counts as "physical education" as it got them up and moving. Before they got bored, I took them away (just long enough to change diapers).

Then they came back out, with a pail as we worked on colors, in English and Spanish. (I need the red balls, Bring me the red balls, please. When they brought a ball to drop in the bucket we said "Yay~ROJO! RED!") Woohoo for foreign language, hehehe! Again, before they had time to get bored, I whisked them away.

Snack time, everyone to the trough...umm, I mean table.

After snacks, the balls once again made and appearance.

Counting! Counts as math for my little bitty crew. We counted to ten with one color, then would start over with another. And another. And another. There are 4 colors so we did this several times. Until I was bored and my arms hurt from dropping the balls. :-)

Finally just a few mintues (maybe 10) of free for all.

Additional thoughts on this are,

I pulled a few out specifically for Amelia's use. I numbered some yellow ones, (1-one-uno). I did this on 10 balls. Might do 10-20 on the orange, depending on her interest.
I used some red ones to write letters on. Blue ones for additional vowels. Figured we could use them for reading and building words.

Will also use them to do some simple addition with her tomorrow.

Might also try to do a "trail" to have them follow. As they get older we can make it interesting, having different colors going different ways and teaching them to follow instructions.

Writing simple words and have the kids use them to build stories.


The key to making the balls work is to make them special...in other words, limit the kids time. Each of the above mentioned activities should not last longer than 15 minutes. I actually prefer 10 but in the event your kid is a genius and soaking it up then of course, stretch it out. I say this because then they are always wanting more, so it stays a "treat" not a means of placating them.

These balls were all the kids needed today. Well, other than some food and a few fresh diapers.

Roofied

A few steps forward, a few steps back. That's just how it goes sometimes.

A small victory I claim is that we ate home cooked, (new) meals 4 nights in a row this week. This may not seem like a big deal for other people, but it is a big deal to me, for several different reasons.

1) My husband is not a fan of my cooking. He prefers Taco Bell and Stouffers. I just can't bring myself to eat either of these things more than once, maaayyybee twice a year.

2) Obviously it saves us $ and is healthier! Actually, I question the $ saving part because I can't figure how to cook without having leftovers. And since they dont' get eaten I end up throwing out half of what I cook. Actually I give them to the dog, and don't get her treats so I guess it does save us $ in the long run.

3) It is a step outside of my comfort zone. It is difficult because as anyone knows the secret ingredient in ANY dish you cook for your family is love, so when you pour your heart and soul (not to mention time and effort) into a meal only to receive snarky comments and complaints~ it hurts.

Regardless, I did it.

We had Stroganoff (I guess this isn't really *new* so much as just something I haven't made in years) on Monday. There were no complaints so I take it as a win.

Tuesday was Potato soup. I thought it was really good as is, but next time I'll use 2 cans of chicken broth. The recipe calls for 3 but that seems like ALOT of salt. One was not enough. We will try 2.

Wednesday was Beefy Nacho soup. (Yes soup two days in a row because the weather was nucky!) Ryan said it was "pretty good" under his breath so I guess it was ok, hahaha!

***side note. I am having to readjust my sensitivity meter and learn how to take Ryan. It is HARD most days, but I figure by the time we have been married 25 years, my skin will be as thick as his Moms. That or he will starve. :-p

Last night was my personal favorite. Y'all know I'm a chicken girl! Lemon Garlic Chicken was DELICIOUS! And I even got into it and felt like I was playing chef as I diced and sauteed the garlic to drizzle over the lemon drenched chicken. Asparagus, salad, cheese & herb biscuits and Mac-n-cheese finished the meal. We tried the new "veggie" mac-n-cheese. Not my favorite but between the other three it was polished off and I got double servings of the asparagus which was another win in my book! :-)

Tonight I am contemplating eating out...but can't really think of anywhere I want to eat, so maybe I'll make stri-fry?!

At one point this week, I questioned whether my coffee had been spiked with prozac. Its weird this "happy" thing. Still not totally there, but at least I feel like I am on my way. Not nearly as much self loathing this week.

Still annoyed at others lack of motivation and effort towards the family~but I am only responsible for my actions. So I'll do what I do and they can answer for themselves.

Several appointments to make, between kids well checks, the Dentist, I want to go see a counselor and poor baby boy gets to go have a consult with the pedi surgeon in Ft. Worth to address adhesion issues with his circ.

I'm still struggling with math since I am pretty much the full time parent. But again~I'll pull my weight and try to pick up the slack as long and as best as I can. And when it falls apart I will be able to say that I gave it my all.

Until then, I'm enjoying my prozac spiked coffee.

on the list

I have decided that for my birthday I will give myself a priceless gift.

An organized pantry. An organized spice/medicine cabinet. And maybe...just maybe a reorganized closet.

Jealous?! Lol

I want those swivle store thingamabobs but $20 seems a bit steep for my (trying to stick to a budget) self. So I'll splurge for my birthday.

Yes, I am a dork! :-P

Remember the year I was so excited to get the simple human trash can. Or they year I got my first swiffer for Christmas. Ooo! Even better, the year I got a steam cleaner for the nasty blue carpet. Ahh...memories :-)

Ok~maybe I should go to bed now. I fear I've gone loony. Haha, I love my loony self. It makes me laugh. Hahaha

Yeah, after a good nights sleep, I realize there is no way I can wait until my birthday to do this. It is stressing me to open up the cabinet and get showered with an assortment of medicine bottles or spices. Valentines Day it is!

I'll fly away

It may seem a bit odd, but this is on my heart this morning.

I had the privilege of spending my earliest years of childhood with a church family who where incredibly close. Their influence on my life was extreme. Over the last few months I've been keeping up with one of my Dads close friend's struggle with cancer. This morning I logged in to see that he had gone home. Despite the human sadness that comes with such news, I feel relief for Mike and his family.

Mike was untouchable in my eyes. He was this big strong man who played softball with my Dad. His wife, Jan, was (and is still) beautiful and such a cheerleader for her family. Their daughters took after their Mom and Tully had his Dads contagious smile. Their family was a pillar of strength and this is no doubt what has carried them through such a difficult time.

It serves as a reminder of how our faith carries us through the unspeakable. To tell those we love, that we love them. Everyday, through the good the bad and the ugly. And to enjoy the life we have while we have it.

On a bit of a tangent from that, it has recently been revealed to me that I need to *live* a little bit more. I feel I've been slipping into a life of complacency. Settling for putting forth the bare minimum and floating along.

But I KNOW there is more to this life. There is MORE that I have to offer. I got in a rut when I was tired of giving to others didn't want to put effort into anything but taking care of me.

What a selfish brat, I became. Enough of that.

Time to search, to find something meaningful and invest in something worthwhile. I have a purpose and I have not been living it.

Fears, disappointments, struggles aside...I will find a way to be happier than I have been. Because its not that I haven't been happy. I've been content. But I want to be the happiest, the best that I can be. TO settle for a life of mediocrity is unacceptable.

looking for the yellow flowers

So much on my mind tonight. I ought to be taking my math quiz, but my mind is elsewhere.

Missing my girls something awful tonight. It is just a weekend visit so this doesn't make sense, but it is what it is.

Stressing about things I cannot change.

To-do list is a mile long and my soul is devoid of an and all motivation.

I just want to go to sleep.

What I wouldn't give to be able to throw my arms around my sweet, brave sis in NC...looking for a plane ticket to go see her before she flies the coop.

My soul is seriously disturbed, uncertain of how to deal with a few things in my life.

regardless...

I am blessed and happy and making progress one day at a time. I have so much to be thankful for, but this does not negate the reality of my life. Yes there are more blessings than blunders. There is more sunshine than rain. My cup runneth over.

But I am confused as to how I can be realistic and honest...all I can do is be me. I may be criticized for my negativity, or accused of bs'ing people. I don't mean to be a wet blanket or kill joy, but some perceive me this way. I am working on not apologizing for how other people choose to see/take me. I spent years apologizing for that.

I am proud of the changes I am making, even still I am sad at all that is has cost me at this point.

I don't think there is anything wrong with owning how I feel. I may not be proud of everything I have ever done, who is? But I am happy that I am where I am in life and learning what I am learning. It would just be nice if people could accept me for who I am.

January favorites

I'd like to try and document more of my kids childhoods for future reference so I'm going to start blogging once a month about their favorites and see what we end up with at the end of the year :-)

Abigail~has recently started going to AWANA, is trying to start a dog walking business with her friend Elizabeth to earn money for a horse (surprise, surprise!). Loves to read, joined chess club at school and has been on A-honor roll thus far! She has also taken an interest in showing and would like to enter a drawing in the stock show next year. She requested pot roast for dinner and she really likes the pioneer woman (kid-friendly) meatloaf and she drinks ginger tea in the morning. She is such a smart beautiful girl, growing so quickly!

Amelia~that girl is the definition of sugar and spice! She LOVES to dress up. But not typical, princess dress up, she wants to be a 13 year old girl with glitter and makeup and cool outfits! She is living in her little tutu leggings from Target right now. Her food of choice is yogurt (with sprinkles), nutella sandwiches and turkey& cheese in a tortilla, when instructed to "eat some protein". Other than chasing after Abigail and riding her bike she can be found dancing! Getting to put on her makeup or paint her nails is the best reward. Well, aside from Starbucks. I am totally raising starbucks junkies. We get decaf and they don't get cokes so with me so lay off the judgment blog stalkers. You know who you are! :-p

Axel~is working very hard towards being EVERYWHERE! I highly suspect he will be mobile before he is 7 months! He has mastered rolling and is currently fixated on trying to pull up and stand. He loves his Mama, and is learning that Dad is fun! He adores his sisters and they are all over him like white on rice! Never has a little boy been so loved! I'm realizing that we have a few bad habits, but I'm not set on changing them jstu yet. I'm enjoying that at least one of my kids is doing the "baby" thing.

just chuggin along

Among my list of things to change this year was my attitude. The update on that is hard as there is alot going on. Much of which I can't really talk about on here. Which starts me down a dark path.

I miss my friends. I miss feeling cared about and wanted. I may very well be at my most lonely state yet. According ot many, yes, I am depressed. But I don't believe in medicating unless absolutely necessary. And I don't believe in medicating myself to appease others. It has to be a decision based solely and selfishly on my needs. And I don't need medicine to function...I need people to love me.

I am angry. The lessons I though I was supposed to learn from the last 5 years are only causing more pain. Open up and trust someone...then let them burn you down. And this last one has me questioning every choice I've made in the past 5 years. When crap happened before I had the unfailing faith that it would be ok. I stood stronger and taller than I ever had before. I was so proud of myself. It was hard, but I did it. And now...I just shake my head and wonder WTH!?

I've been told to take control, to take care of me, to make myself happy Because I can't make anyone else happy unless I'm happy. So I'm doing that and getting crap from pretty much every angle. I'm so over it. People can love me for who I am...or leave. And I guess thats exactly whats going on. Doesn't make it suck any less though.

I'm really trying to find a way to be happy about this...to take ownership of my choices (good or bad) and learn from it and move one. But realizing that you've made a huge mistake and damaged relationships...is tough stuff. Even tougher when people choose not to forgive you.

I'm writing hoping something will make sense out of this, but its not. Its only making everything worse. I'm done for now. I'll try again later.

6 months

He has kinda outgrown the blocks, I'm trying to find some new props to highlight and measure his growth. For now he is just too busy for pictures.
But thanks to the iPhone, I at least have some! :-)

Stock show parade pictures!

a work in progress

I said I was going to write every day. And I have...its the getting it out of my head and onto paper, err, blog, that needs work. Yesterday I signed into blogger go the the correct page to type and hesitated for just a second then somebody needed this, and someone else needed that and before I knew it the day was gone. And it was Axel's 6 months, Oops. At least I had posted teh day before, and today I WILL get 6 month pics so not all is lost.

On another note...today I find myself in a familiar place. In a house full of kiddos. 5 to be exact . 2 of my own and 3 borrowed. All 5 years and under. 3 of them are under 2 years old. Reminds me of the good ole days on Red Robin Loop. Oddly enough this chaos is comforting. This chaos I can manage. This chaos is what I do best. :-)

The house has gone quiet...BRB

baby boy pouts

And I thought my girls had my number!? This little boy is too adorable, and yummy, and sweet, and cuddly...man oh man, are boys something else!

Tomorrow Axel will be 6 months old. I'm slacking as there was not 5 month post. He is now a sitter, a flipper and a skoocher, a talker and a hugger! His pout if his most powerful weapon, although he is getting very good at "yelling"!

He is not a fan of cereal, but loves to drink out of his sippy cup and wants to eat when you eat...although his preferred method of eating is definitely nursing.

He sleeps well, but not through the night.

Here are some pics of what I've been up to lately...



Re-organizing the office/Axel's room. Trying to make it more little boy friendly. He has more room on the floor now, just need to get a shelf for his books and relocate a few pictures. Then I can call it finished.

I love watching her skip, such a happy girl. Right after this we went to get her bike I am amazed at her independence. Abigail doesn't stray far, even now when we walk. But Amelia was off in her own little world. When she sensed she was too far, she would stop and let me catch up just a bit as to not get in trouble. Then she was off again. At one point she fell, and looked up to see where I was, then she just got right up and back on her bike. She rode back to me and said, "beat you home". I love her!!
Love this boy!

I love me some Nutella!

The reading nook in my room. Not that I'll ever get to use it, but at least it looks a little more grown up and semi-functional :-)

coffee

Today's lesson. I should not even attempt to survive a day without coffee. I will survive...but it will not be pretty!

Thankful for paychecks and a car to drive to the my ghetto HEB and get creamer so that tomorrow will be a better day! :-)

Also thankful for the $4 cash I had that allowed me to treat myself to sonic chili fries and a dp as a reward for making thru today. Especially grateful that somethign as simple as a treat from sonic and a good tv show can repair my oh, so foul mood.

mosaic of my life

Saturday~a lazy day at home. Rearranging stuff. daydreaming about becoming more organized. Dinner with Ryan, where we discussed our upcoming trip to the Stock Show Parade, then a Target trip for supplies :-)
Sunday I worked on the office, Amelia's room and the "toy-room". I always feel better after rearranging things!

My brother was home for R&R and during the course of his visit I realized that I have alot to learn from my lil bro. Among other things, like dedication and determination, he is happy. With whatever, whoever, whenever, however...he is just happy. He may be the happiest of my siblings. Maybe it appears that way because he is so far away, maybe its because during his 3 tours of duty he has learned not to take the monotony of daily life stateside for granted. Regardless, he is happy and I am very proud of him.

Writing...will be a struggle at times, like everything else in life. But it's worth it. I love getting to know myself. The real me, the one that is most often kept locked in the deepest darkest depths of my mind. Writing allows a small fraction of light into that scary hole and I feel like I can breathe for a few moments.

I love how articulate and expressive I can be in my writing...with editing of course! ;-p

Happy Monday y'all, here is to a fantastic week!

Reality

I love New Years. With it brings promise and hope, the relief of forgetting all of the previous years crap and disappointments, motivation, a fresh start, and a great party doesn't hurt! :-)

Typically I am a fool for resolutions, and this week I've been struggling with the hundreds of resolutions I want to apply to 2012. I am not kidding, there are literally hundreds which is why I am not blogging them individually. Nor am I posting about the things I want to try to change. A wise friend once told me trying is crap...and he was right, so this is for Billy.

I resolve to change myself this year. Even if I fail to change individual things, routines, physical aspects of my life I can confidently state this is my ultimate resolution because no matter what I do or don't do, I will change. It is inevitable. :-)

Last year I improved, and I will continue that improvement this year, blogging about the things I have experimented with and whether they were successful or not. I have already successfully avoided a few meltdowns after emotional attacks, and even stood my ground and defended myself in the face of opposition.

I have been drinking more water and eating more (this is important because I am nursing).

I have not yet figured out how to get my kid to sleep before 11:00.

I have not yet figured out the "perfect" chore system for our family.

I have not lost momentum because I acknowledged the fact that New years is not a cure all. It is a starting point and there will be ups and downs and I truly feel I am at my most healthful mental state in years!

sparkles

I think a large part of my hesitation to post is due to my inability to come up with intriguing post titles. Today is "sparkles" because I had a few minutes to paint my nails with Amelia's nail polish and they are super glittery and sparkly.

Had a great first day with little Miss A. I'm excited to have a new itty bitty to ease my suffering as the little man is determined to grow up! He has discovered rolling as a means of transportation and is no longer content to sit/lay on the mat and play with his toys. He rolls till he gets stuck then he gets LOUD! Cuddling with Miss A helps a tiny bit. :-)

Abigail is having SERIOUS issues with bedtime. I'd love to blame it on the holidays but really it was happening for months before Christmas. It was nice to have the break so that we were not having nightly fights/meltdowns/panic attacks about falling asleep. If you have any suggestions or a free monnent to say a prayer or send sleepy vibes, I'd be forever grateful!

Lots of time reviewing relationships in my life. I'm getting alot of flack in regards to my family as of late in addition to my "misplaced" happiness. Lots of old scars have been reopened and I'm processing as best as I can. I'm handling it differently, because I'm determined to create my own happiness and fulfillment as I'm been advised. (Oddly enough thats what I'm getting crap for!) Just not really sure why people are mad at me for being happy?! Situation feels a bit hopeless at this moment and I'm missing my friends, but Ill make the most of it and try to find the silver lining.

thoughts de jour

I've got writers block, but I physically ache to write something meaningful. In one of my last classes they talked about how beneficial writing can be. I've mentioned before it is my therapy...but to hear a new source stating how it opens up the mind, soul etc...I am once again feeling the desire to express my inner most thoughts. Not because they are worthwhile so much as I want to feel like I have left something behind.

So my goal is this.

I WILL write every.single.day in 2012.
On the really good days I will post pictures, now that I have an app for that!

Somedays the post will be published, some days they will not. Days may be forgotten, or rejected...but I will post more often and not worry about who might see it or what they will think. I will reconnect with myself. Hello old friend :-)

Recap of the year thus far...

2012 was welcomed at Alexander among family and friends. The following day Ryan drove home early to work on school (or watch the Packers, lol) and I hitched a ride back to Waco with Jahna Pali. Then we went to fetch the gals in CS. I was very grateful for her company and the reassurance that despite the wretched moods that accompany my girls upon their return...they are still awesome kids and I'm not ruining them.

Abigail stowed away in Jahna's car for her own mini vacation. I love that she loves Alexander as much as I do! Monday I chillaxed with Mia and Axel, then I did a little rearranging. Love the surge of energy/motivation that the new year brings!

Yesterday little man woke up in a funky foul mood which resulted in a trip to see Dr.P and a long list of meds in hopes of preventing that nasty RSV! Mom and Jubs brought my stowaway home and hung out. PJ joined the party last night and we did (yet another) round of gifts for the Christmas that wasn't.

Which brings us to today~I have ordered books and checked in with all my classes. Axel is feeling much better. First day back with Miss K went well and here I sit with time to spare! :-)

Last year is history. There is alot to reflect on and learn from. There is definite room for improvement in all areas of life. I am addicted to pinterest and facebook, cleaning my house and spending time with those I love. I am already looking at several trips and think this may be the year I travel. Between weddings, sisters flying the coop, being inducted into the traditional Mcfamily trip up yonder, my itinerary is looking pretty crazy!

Thankfully I think it will bring a ton of good memories and experiences!

There you have it, the recap. Perhaps tomorrow I can pull together my crazy ambitious, "resolutions" for this year. :-)

2012

Still in the process of organizing my thoughts for this year. Maybe I'll get it sorted and write a real, worthwhile post tomorrow...or next week. Till then, I'm just living life & being me!