looking for the yellow flowers

So much on my mind tonight. I ought to be taking my math quiz, but my mind is elsewhere.

Missing my girls something awful tonight. It is just a weekend visit so this doesn't make sense, but it is what it is.

Stressing about things I cannot change.

To-do list is a mile long and my soul is devoid of an and all motivation.

I just want to go to sleep.

What I wouldn't give to be able to throw my arms around my sweet, brave sis in NC...looking for a plane ticket to go see her before she flies the coop.

My soul is seriously disturbed, uncertain of how to deal with a few things in my life.

regardless...

I am blessed and happy and making progress one day at a time. I have so much to be thankful for, but this does not negate the reality of my life. Yes there are more blessings than blunders. There is more sunshine than rain. My cup runneth over.

But I am confused as to how I can be realistic and honest...all I can do is be me. I may be criticized for my negativity, or accused of bs'ing people. I don't mean to be a wet blanket or kill joy, but some perceive me this way. I am working on not apologizing for how other people choose to see/take me. I spent years apologizing for that.

I am proud of the changes I am making, even still I am sad at all that is has cost me at this point.

I don't think there is anything wrong with owning how I feel. I may not be proud of everything I have ever done, who is? But I am happy that I am where I am in life and learning what I am learning. It would just be nice if people could accept me for who I am.