It's midnight again, and I can't sleep. Messages from Abigail have my heart in pieces.
My OCD has taken over my mind and all I can do is pray... That they don't drown, that retinas are not detached, that their hearts will heal and their voices will be heard.
I know that it is so important for a daughter to have a relationship with her dad... And I try my hardest to help them be ok with spending time with him, to speak only positive things but when I get messages like the ones I got tonight... It takes everything i have not to lose it!
The one thing their step mom is good for is protecting them. He is on his best behavior when she is there, but when she is at work... He is rough, too rough.
I hate this... Hate every bit of it. It makes me want to break promises and spill every little detail of what I know. Makes me want to go back and tell the story, the whole story...every single horrid detail of the divorce from my side.
But I won't. Because it doesn't change anything. As much as I think it might make me feel better... I know it will only unleash the monster.
So I sit here, and pray and obsess and pray some more.
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