Summer?

Aside from the triple digit heat, there is not much about the last few days that has resembled summer. The girls are still visiting their Dad, I'm still working and taking classes, and well, let's be honest...Texas is known for it's triple digit temperatures so really...even that does not signify summer.

Jenia is almsot a whole world away, Jubilee has flown the coop, JP has a new job and even though the hours & pay are better for her, I hate that she doesn't have vacation to come hang out with me. Mom is busy with Swim Team and in general I am just in a funk!

Last night I looked at the calendar to try and make some plans and realized, that essentially I gave up the summer for the McCormick Michigan trip. I am not very happy about this. I think it will be a good experience...but is it worth losing nearly EVERY weekend with my daughters...not even close. I have been allowed to see them, but the first 2 weekends in July needed to be traded to their Dad in order to go on the MI trip and the remaining 2 weekends will be spent traveling to and from. Then when we get back they go straight back to their Dads. so I get 4 weeks out of the entire summer...scattered here and there.

Not even remotely fair.

I need to have a chat with whoever decided this BS custody arrangement.

I was very vocal with every boy I ever dated, that if I couldn't be home with my children I wouldn't have them, because I wouldn't have kids for someone else to raise. And even though God laughs and life did not go according to my "plan", I have made sacrifices to ensure that I am the one raising my babies. I neglected to specify in my prayers that I would also really like to be the one to "enjoy" and play with em kids too.

Today I am bawling buckets because I feel like I have made sure that everyone else gets the tiem they want with my kids...except me.

The days that I will have the girls home are mon-fri...when I have other kids  to watch so I can't even make plans to go do fun stuff with them without putting others out which goes against every fiber of my DNA.

In case I haven't mentioned it lately...parenting, marriage...life sucks sometimes. Today is defintely oen of those days.

HOWEVER....I am not thousands of miles away from home. I am not worried about driving over bombs or being shot. I am not hungry. My children are alive and healthy and (for the most part) happy, and they are coming home.

I am abundantly blessed...but I am also human. If you have never had a bad day~by all means, feel free to judge the heck out of my life and comment away. But until you have walked a mile in my shoes...you best keep your opinions to yourself.

Thanks for reading and here's to making the rest of today beautimous! :-)