We've been having a really great holiday this year, I've been putting lots of effort into memories and quality time with the kids. A few traditions we have are...
Decorate the tree! As soon as possible after Thanksgiving! I've been known to do this on Friday instead of shopping. The kids each have a tree for their own room where they place "their" ornaments, and "mommy's" tree gets Mommy's ornaments. Yes, We have discussed my OCD and we have found a balance that works for our family! :-) If you have a problem with it, I highly suspect it's because your jealous, lol!
Driving to look at Christmas lights...as often as possible! I could do this EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT! Do this with a steaming cuppa joe from your local Starbucks and you have yourself a slice of Heaven! Ooo, or caramel corn! :-)
Lots of people do Christmas movies and I do those too, but for us, I prefer to read Christmas stories, lots of them, over and over again! Christmas stories do not get old and I love reading with my kids. I will never forget the sound of my Mom reading the Secret Garden to me or telling me bedtime stories and falling asleep as she did. My treasure :-)
Making cookies and ornaments with friends. Another issue I am learning to let go of control in regards to. Cookies are meant to taste YUMMY, not to look perfect or neat. It is an experience to laugh through and enjoy...not accomplish or check off the list.
My Momma's sweet and sour meatballs on Christmas Eve.
Taking each of the girls on a special trip to pick out gifts for each other. I love the reward of seeing my girls be super sweet about each other. It helps me survive the other 364 days they are fighting.
And a few of the traditions I'm not so proud of.
Every year I get so excited about Christmas pictures and cards. And every year I turn into a ugly monster because it doesn't ever turn out the way I dreamed. I even think of some really funny blooper cards. One of these years I'll get it together, and mailed, to everyone, before Christmas. But then I'll know that death is imminent, so this year I am blissful that 1/2 of my cards are still on my counter and that the [picture is a grainy iphone picture of grumpy kids in mismatched pj's. It means I still have a few years. :-D
Buying waaaaay too much and using the excuse that 1/2 of it is for Birthdays. Also, guilty of buying my own gifts...on a credit card. I don't expect others to make me happy. But I reserve the right to do it myself.
Wishing I was doing more, for others.
There are more and I could remember them all when I sat down. At the moment, this is all I can shake form the vault. I'll add more later. Maybe even a picture or two.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Sunday, November 27, 2011
As November ends
The fun is just beginning! Our Thanksgiving was wonderful despite missing a few key figures. While the girls were being fancy travelers visiting NY, Ryan Axel and I made the rounds to Stephenville and Dallas. In addition to all the traveling, this weekend was a busy one for the boy as he has not only discovered his feet, but they have become his FAVORITE chew toy. He also threw his very first temper tantrum over a stuffed turtle and has now tasted green beans and sweet potatoes. The green bean (yes, a single green bean) was almost 2 weeks ago and gave him a slight rash on his face. The sweet potato made him vomit. Looks like a strict "momma moo" diet for a little bit longer.
He entertained many by giggling when they played peek a boo and he loves to go "up,up,up down". He misses his "seesters" terribly but we go get them today and I don't know who will be happier to see them!
With Axel's help I was able to knock out about 99% of the Christmas shopping in one afternoon! There will be lots of JOY in our house come Christmas morning and I can't wait! Luckily, we get a little bit of a teaser with Amelia's birthday on the 19th. Can't believe that girl is gonna be 5 years old!!!! Birthday, then Christmas, then New Years, then Miss Abigail turns 10. This world has been graced with her presence for a DECADE now! I can't begin to process what life would be without my Kid~Rinky!!
And that my friends is the whirlwind in our neck of the woods. Next up is to try for a few more pictures and get a Christmas letter written up. Which seems kinda silly since pretty much everyone is up to date thanks to Facebook and this blog...but what the hey, gonna shoot for the stars anyhow. Happy Holidays Y'all!!
He entertained many by giggling when they played peek a boo and he loves to go "up,up,up down". He misses his "seesters" terribly but we go get them today and I don't know who will be happier to see them!
With Axel's help I was able to knock out about 99% of the Christmas shopping in one afternoon! There will be lots of JOY in our house come Christmas morning and I can't wait! Luckily, we get a little bit of a teaser with Amelia's birthday on the 19th. Can't believe that girl is gonna be 5 years old!!!! Birthday, then Christmas, then New Years, then Miss Abigail turns 10. This world has been graced with her presence for a DECADE now! I can't begin to process what life would be without my Kid~Rinky!!
And that my friends is the whirlwind in our neck of the woods. Next up is to try for a few more pictures and get a Christmas letter written up. Which seems kinda silly since pretty much everyone is up to date thanks to Facebook and this blog...but what the hey, gonna shoot for the stars anyhow. Happy Holidays Y'all!!
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Day of Thanks!
Thankful for laughter, as I look back at these pictures that Bear took a few weeks back I am consumed with love for my family! These kids and their funky faces, my sisters who run through the rain with a camera, and a guy who endures it all. Most days I just wanna shmack them all upside their heads...regardless, I do love them with all that I am. I am blessed, no, honored to be a part of their lives.
Monday, November 7, 2011
and the goodness continues
This week is jam packed with activity! Today Jahna and Bearlee are coming to visit, shop and photograph us. I am super stoked to spend some quality time with my sisters and only wish that Josanna and Jenia could come also. I am now fully aware of how good it feels when we are able to spend time together, and that my sisters are something I took for granted for too many years.
My kids~drive my bonkers~DAILY! But man, I love them! I love that each night I get to go into their rooms and kiss those soft cheeks and breathe a sigh of relief that we survived another day. I love the feeling of preparing healthy meals~and that sometimes I can cheat and go thru the drive thru. I love spending time doing activities~even when they don't go exactly as I planned. There are not enough words to express my emotions...I could just eat them up, Not in a cannibalistic way but in a mommywholovesherbabiessomuchithurts way.
Today is one of those days where being alive jstu fills me up so much, and I am so grateful that I get to live this experience and even though some of the bad stuff still hurts, it just reminds me of who I am, of where I've been and how happy I am! And that my friends is a GOOD feeling :-)
My kids~drive my bonkers~DAILY! But man, I love them! I love that each night I get to go into their rooms and kiss those soft cheeks and breathe a sigh of relief that we survived another day. I love the feeling of preparing healthy meals~and that sometimes I can cheat and go thru the drive thru. I love spending time doing activities~even when they don't go exactly as I planned. There are not enough words to express my emotions...I could just eat them up, Not in a cannibalistic way but in a mommywholovesherbabiessomuchithurts way.
Today is one of those days where being alive jstu fills me up so much, and I am so grateful that I get to live this experience and even though some of the bad stuff still hurts, it just reminds me of who I am, of where I've been and how happy I am! And that my friends is a GOOD feeling :-)
Friday, November 4, 2011
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
My heart gives thanks for...
Thankfulness is not just "giving thanks", it is living life acting out of appreciation for what we have.
There are many quotes about thankfulness, gratitude or appreciation...but what does it look, feel, taste, smell, and sound like to me. That is what this journey is about.
I am thankful for opportunity. That I have very few limitations. When push comes to shove...I can do pretty much ANYTHING I set my mind to do. I am thankful for freedom to pursue my dreams, catch & live those dreams, then dream new ones.
I am thankful for each of my little loves, for all of the hugs and kisses that breathe fresh life into my soul every morning.
For my husband...as much as he annoys me, he accepts my imperfection as well. We still have alot to learn about and with each other and I am thankful for the companionship.
My family~as I get older, the more I appreciate every one of them and how much a part of me they are. Of all the things my parents did, and there is more than I could ever acknowledge, one of the best was that they gave me 8 BEST FRIENDS! I am realyl proud that we are getting closer as we grow older instead of drifting apart and I pray each day that this continues. I feel for all the future spouses...hahaha!
And that this is a drop in the bucket of my life and all the goodness that it holds!
There are many quotes about thankfulness, gratitude or appreciation...but what does it look, feel, taste, smell, and sound like to me. That is what this journey is about.
I am thankful for opportunity. That I have very few limitations. When push comes to shove...I can do pretty much ANYTHING I set my mind to do. I am thankful for freedom to pursue my dreams, catch & live those dreams, then dream new ones.
I am thankful for each of my little loves, for all of the hugs and kisses that breathe fresh life into my soul every morning.
For my husband...as much as he annoys me, he accepts my imperfection as well. We still have alot to learn about and with each other and I am thankful for the companionship.
My family~as I get older, the more I appreciate every one of them and how much a part of me they are. Of all the things my parents did, and there is more than I could ever acknowledge, one of the best was that they gave me 8 BEST FRIENDS! I am realyl proud that we are getting closer as we grow older instead of drifting apart and I pray each day that this continues. I feel for all the future spouses...hahaha!
And that this is a drop in the bucket of my life and all the goodness that it holds!
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Thankful Trees
Thankful for sweet girls who love their brother and a little boy discovering his hands and the ability to make his sisters come running! 
The boy about 3 months
It has been over 3 months now that this little guy has stolen out hearts. It has flown by so quickly and is a whole different experience! In the 4.5 years since Amelia was a baby, so much has changed...and he is all BOY! :-)
At 3 months he is so active & expressive! He loves to talk, growl, play with his blanket. He has started to roll, play perk-a-boo, and he really likes to chew on EVERYTHING! He copies sounds so at this point it really seems like he can "say" hi and yeah and uh-uh (as in, no). He is a mommas bit but us slowly warming up to Dad and adjusting to the noise of Ryan in sports mode, lol! Abigail is such a little Mama. She loves her bubbie and is such a big help! Amelia loves her bubbas and wants to help more than she is able, but she may be the best at making him smile. I love that they each have their own lil nicknames for him. I prefer baby boy and Ryan is determined to train him to answer to AJ much to my chagrin. This doesn't even scratch the surface of all the fun we are having but at least it's something for the record.
At 3 months he is so active & expressive! He loves to talk, growl, play with his blanket. He has started to roll, play perk-a-boo, and he really likes to chew on EVERYTHING! He copies sounds so at this point it really seems like he can "say" hi and yeah and uh-uh (as in, no). He is a mommas bit but us slowly warming up to Dad and adjusting to the noise of Ryan in sports mode, lol! Abigail is such a little Mama. She loves her bubbie and is such a big help! Amelia loves her bubbas and wants to help more than she is able, but she may be the best at making him smile. I love that they each have their own lil nicknames for him. I prefer baby boy and Ryan is determined to train him to answer to AJ much to my chagrin. This doesn't even scratch the surface of all the fun we are having but at least it's something for the record.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
heart speaks
Before, is not now and no longer matters in how today will go. Today is all that I have...this second, moment, day. Do...what you can. Stop reflecting. Stop planning...LIVE. Yes, things may have gone a different way had you done things differently. But they didn't, but daydreaming is not going to alter the course of your life today.
There are things I need to address, but I lack the knowledge of "how" to go about it. Fear stops me and holds me prisoner. I fear that nothing will change, or that it will. I don't know what words to say, what face to make, what tone to employ. I lack communication skills, I am like majorly deficit in that department.
I thought that maybe I could just pray about it and God would "fix" it. That is not happening. I'm gonna have to put forth some effort if I expect results. Trying is not cutting it.
Clarification...everything is fine. Everything is better than fine. I have no right to complain. But at the same time...life is mediocre at best, and we all deserve better. But it is not gonna get better on its own. Kinda like learning...if you are not moving forward, you are losing ground. There is no standing still in life. Unless you are trapped in the waiting room, but even then chances are you are hiding.
I have these lists in my mind, diagnoses of the problems in my life and relationships, and how to go about solving them. My pinterest boards are quickly filling up with my fantasy life. This week I have faced the ugly monster hiding in my soul. I have more than a few problems, addictions, weaknesses and they are not going to just go away or be hidden any longer.
I do not smoke or drink or gamble. I shop. It is my compulsive addiction. I *shop* various sites, putting all of these items in my "cart" then I click the X. No damage done. But also nothing fixed and hours of my life wasted. I look to *things* to fulfill me. Not just for me, I shop hoping to get recognition for others. (below is not a conscious dialog, but what has been revealed to me.)
"Look I bought this for you. I see you, I listen to you, I think about you and I thought this would show you all of those things. Don't you love it, Don't you love me for loving you? oh, well then fine, I'll love me."
When I am not shopping, I am living an alternate life on the internet. Through facebook I am a very social person with lots of friends, when in reality I am a freakin hermit lonely as hell.I also Edit my pictures, whitening my teeth, coloring my hair. Making a better, make believe version of myself when most days I barely brush my hair. I play pretend instead of living my life.
I chew gum...I *need* something in my mouth. I'll just chew gum...packets (plural) a day! This is not smoking...but the motivation is the same. I have an oral fixation. It makes me no different than a smoker. I lack the self disipline to stop eating, or work out but in my mind, if I chew gum then I do not eat (as much) and the food I do eat, digests quicker. I have messed up my mind so much so that if I do not have gum to chew immediately after eating, my stomach physically hurts until I get a piece of gum or I eat more.
I need therapy. But I'd rather spend money on clothes that I don't wear because I never go anywhere. According to my online shopping carts I am very fashionable and my house is AWESOME...in reality my house is as plain and stained as the jeans and t-shirts I wear.
I say I don't half @$$ things. This is a lie. I half @$$ life. I put forth alot of effort, in alot of areas. Selfishly. The things I complain about...I could change. But then what? What happens if things change? What happens is that it is *supposed* to get better, but I lack the confidence that it will. I fear that nothing will change and then I will have been vulnerable for nothing and that, feels like rejection to me. Stop judging...stop hiding...let people in, tell them what you want or need. They don't know how to read your mind, but this DOES NOT mean they don't care about you.
I love my kids. I love my husband. And all I want is to be loved in return. But do they know how to love me? How can I expect them to know my love language if I don't communicate. How can I expect them to feel loved if I don't speak their language?
All of this gobbledegook...means nothing unless I make it mean something. So listen to your heart, get off you @$$, take a risk, love, and change your life!
There are things I need to address, but I lack the knowledge of "how" to go about it. Fear stops me and holds me prisoner. I fear that nothing will change, or that it will. I don't know what words to say, what face to make, what tone to employ. I lack communication skills, I am like majorly deficit in that department.
I thought that maybe I could just pray about it and God would "fix" it. That is not happening. I'm gonna have to put forth some effort if I expect results. Trying is not cutting it.
Clarification...everything is fine. Everything is better than fine. I have no right to complain. But at the same time...life is mediocre at best, and we all deserve better. But it is not gonna get better on its own. Kinda like learning...if you are not moving forward, you are losing ground. There is no standing still in life. Unless you are trapped in the waiting room, but even then chances are you are hiding.
I have these lists in my mind, diagnoses of the problems in my life and relationships, and how to go about solving them. My pinterest boards are quickly filling up with my fantasy life. This week I have faced the ugly monster hiding in my soul. I have more than a few problems, addictions, weaknesses and they are not going to just go away or be hidden any longer.
I do not smoke or drink or gamble. I shop. It is my compulsive addiction. I *shop* various sites, putting all of these items in my "cart" then I click the X. No damage done. But also nothing fixed and hours of my life wasted. I look to *things* to fulfill me. Not just for me, I shop hoping to get recognition for others. (below is not a conscious dialog, but what has been revealed to me.)
"Look I bought this for you. I see you, I listen to you, I think about you and I thought this would show you all of those things. Don't you love it, Don't you love me for loving you? oh, well then fine, I'll love me."
When I am not shopping, I am living an alternate life on the internet. Through facebook I am a very social person with lots of friends, when in reality I am a freakin hermit lonely as hell.I also Edit my pictures, whitening my teeth, coloring my hair. Making a better, make believe version of myself when most days I barely brush my hair. I play pretend instead of living my life.
I chew gum...I *need* something in my mouth. I'll just chew gum...packets (plural) a day! This is not smoking...but the motivation is the same. I have an oral fixation. It makes me no different than a smoker. I lack the self disipline to stop eating, or work out but in my mind, if I chew gum then I do not eat (as much) and the food I do eat, digests quicker. I have messed up my mind so much so that if I do not have gum to chew immediately after eating, my stomach physically hurts until I get a piece of gum or I eat more.
I need therapy. But I'd rather spend money on clothes that I don't wear because I never go anywhere. According to my online shopping carts I am very fashionable and my house is AWESOME...in reality my house is as plain and stained as the jeans and t-shirts I wear.
I say I don't half @$$ things. This is a lie. I half @$$ life. I put forth alot of effort, in alot of areas. Selfishly. The things I complain about...I could change. But then what? What happens if things change? What happens is that it is *supposed* to get better, but I lack the confidence that it will. I fear that nothing will change and then I will have been vulnerable for nothing and that, feels like rejection to me. Stop judging...stop hiding...let people in, tell them what you want or need. They don't know how to read your mind, but this DOES NOT mean they don't care about you.
I love my kids. I love my husband. And all I want is to be loved in return. But do they know how to love me? How can I expect them to know my love language if I don't communicate. How can I expect them to feel loved if I don't speak their language?
All of this gobbledegook...means nothing unless I make it mean something. So listen to your heart, get off you @$$, take a risk, love, and change your life!
Monday, October 24, 2011
Thankful for mundane mondays!
After the weekend we just had...thank you God for a blah day! Thankful for the opportunity to be stuck at home, inside so that I could get some stuff done around the house. Not much, much a start :-)
Today I am hearing that voice, telling me to do something I really don't wanna! I do not want to spend $ I don't have on someone who will not appreciate it. But I hear the voice, yelling at me now...and I am pretty sure if I continue to ignore it bad stuff will happen. Doing it probably won't cause good stuff to happen but at least (hopefully) it won't make things worse! (Insert silent prayer!)
Ok, ok. I guess I have something else to go do...as I grit my teeth.
Today I am hearing that voice, telling me to do something I really don't wanna! I do not want to spend $ I don't have on someone who will not appreciate it. But I hear the voice, yelling at me now...and I am pretty sure if I continue to ignore it bad stuff will happen. Doing it probably won't cause good stuff to happen but at least (hopefully) it won't make things worse! (Insert silent prayer!)
Ok, ok. I guess I have something else to go do...as I grit my teeth.
Friday, October 21, 2011
If only I had more ambition...
Then I would be writing to tell you all that I have decided to go to Med school. However, this is not the case. Not because I don't think I could do it. The last few years have taught me I can do anything I decide to do, but the truth is that I am lazy. Yes, I said it. LAAAAAZZYYYYY! Instead I will continue to recognize 97% of my kids symptoms and link them with the correct diagnoses, and I will continue to be annoyed that I have to go to the Dr and pay the co-pay only to have the Dr confirm my suspicions and then I will still complain about the fact that my Mother is more informative than said Dr. Urghhh! Yes I am "that" person.
I am also "that" mom. The one who excuses her child's annoying habits and behavior as "just being Mia". I hate that I have become that parent, but even more than my self hate...I loathe people who talk about my kid with disdain. I am glad to have finally learned that I have the ability to distance myself from "those" people. If you love my kid, then freakin love my kid~ good, bad & ugly because thats what love is. Love is not Like...it is putting up with the shizznit that you don't want to put up with because you value the person. Glech!
In short, I'm in a bad mood. I just am, annoyed as all get out with life, people & even though my kids drive me crazy bonkers, they are my kids and you better watch what you say about my kids, cuz I am one mean Momma bear!
On the other side of that....
I love the smell of a clean bathroom and multiple loads of clean, folded laundry. I rejoice over a well planned menu, stocked pantry and full bellies. I adore the plethora of ideas currently residing on my pinterest boards. I am enthralled with my son's smiles and my daughters hugs. I am blessed with friends who listen to my incessantly repetitive complaints about my mundane life and how they gently remind me to shut the haybob up and be grateful for what I have. I appreciate my siblings and their ability to make me laugh and the fact that they "get" me more every single day. I am abundantly happy, despite the nasty realist streak that refuses to be disguised.
And I am more confident than ever that if you don't like me for who I am...then you know where the door is. Happy Friday Y'all! :-)
I am also "that" mom. The one who excuses her child's annoying habits and behavior as "just being Mia". I hate that I have become that parent, but even more than my self hate...I loathe people who talk about my kid with disdain. I am glad to have finally learned that I have the ability to distance myself from "those" people. If you love my kid, then freakin love my kid~ good, bad & ugly because thats what love is. Love is not Like...it is putting up with the shizznit that you don't want to put up with because you value the person. Glech!
In short, I'm in a bad mood. I just am, annoyed as all get out with life, people & even though my kids drive me crazy bonkers, they are my kids and you better watch what you say about my kids, cuz I am one mean Momma bear!
On the other side of that....
I love the smell of a clean bathroom and multiple loads of clean, folded laundry. I rejoice over a well planned menu, stocked pantry and full bellies. I adore the plethora of ideas currently residing on my pinterest boards. I am enthralled with my son's smiles and my daughters hugs. I am blessed with friends who listen to my incessantly repetitive complaints about my mundane life and how they gently remind me to shut the haybob up and be grateful for what I have. I appreciate my siblings and their ability to make me laugh and the fact that they "get" me more every single day. I am abundantly happy, despite the nasty realist streak that refuses to be disguised.
And I am more confident than ever that if you don't like me for who I am...then you know where the door is. Happy Friday Y'all! :-)
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Wahoo for Wednesday!
I wanted to take a quick second to express my gratitude for the following services that are making my life so much easier here lately!
First off, Schwans! I love that I can get healthy, delicious food delivered right to my door. As I now have 3 munchkins, grocery shopping is increasingly more difficult and when I took the time to actually compare the prices (adding in the saved time and sanity) Schwans came out on top! Yes, you pay more up front...but consider that fact that most foods come prepared, there are multiple serving sin the veggie bags, you save time (gas) going to the store, and you save your sanity by having the food delivered! I only have to go to the store for milk!
Ok, I am not completely spoiled. I do not get ALL of my groceries from schwans, but I am starting to see that for this phase in our lives, this is a much better alternative to sonic, jack in the box or whatever drive thru is on the way home! The fact that the food is yummy is the cherry on top! :-)
Also, have you heard about toygaroo?! If not take a few seconds to check it out. This is a toy rental service, Genius! You can test toys before you buy them, play with them for a few months and then ship them back. I love this because it decreases the clutter in my house from accumulating toys (because the kids are always getting bored and wanting "new" toys) and saves me the trouble of having to sort through, clean and haul "old" toys to goodwill or the reasale shop. This allows you play with the toys till the kids get bored, mail them back and get some new ones! You can get 3-5 new toys every month for the price of 1! This is especially helpful with those expensive baby toys that they only play with for a couple of months!! Would be PERFECT for grandparents, new parents, aunt and uncles or daycare providers! ;-)
I was not paid to write this...just wanted to share some of the things making my life a little bit less stressful at the moment! Happy Wednesday y'all! :-)
First off, Schwans! I love that I can get healthy, delicious food delivered right to my door. As I now have 3 munchkins, grocery shopping is increasingly more difficult and when I took the time to actually compare the prices (adding in the saved time and sanity) Schwans came out on top! Yes, you pay more up front...but consider that fact that most foods come prepared, there are multiple serving sin the veggie bags, you save time (gas) going to the store, and you save your sanity by having the food delivered! I only have to go to the store for milk!
Ok, I am not completely spoiled. I do not get ALL of my groceries from schwans, but I am starting to see that for this phase in our lives, this is a much better alternative to sonic, jack in the box or whatever drive thru is on the way home! The fact that the food is yummy is the cherry on top! :-)
Also, have you heard about toygaroo?! If not take a few seconds to check it out. This is a toy rental service, Genius! You can test toys before you buy them, play with them for a few months and then ship them back. I love this because it decreases the clutter in my house from accumulating toys (because the kids are always getting bored and wanting "new" toys) and saves me the trouble of having to sort through, clean and haul "old" toys to goodwill or the reasale shop. This allows you play with the toys till the kids get bored, mail them back and get some new ones! You can get 3-5 new toys every month for the price of 1! This is especially helpful with those expensive baby toys that they only play with for a couple of months!! Would be PERFECT for grandparents, new parents, aunt and uncles or daycare providers! ;-)
I was not paid to write this...just wanted to share some of the things making my life a little bit less stressful at the moment! Happy Wednesday y'all! :-)
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
As simple as ABC.
It is October. Of all the months, this would be my least favorite. But even though I am not a Halloween fan, I can appreciate a few things. My goal for this month is to take time to reflect over the past year and be thankful. This time last year, I was just getting over the miscarriage and fighting with the IRS. And now here I sit, staring at this beautiful baby boy!
I am super excited to do pumpkins, to take pictures with my family (and sisters!) and start our Thankful tree. Then there will be Thanksgiving and Christmas and then New Years! Let's get this party started!
My first (of what I hope will be many) Thankful activity is an idea from my forever friend Larnie lou. Counting your blessing is as simple as ABC...
A~ I am thankful beyond words for my "crazy A's". Abigail, Amelia and Axel Jude. Their lives are simply the BEST thing that I have ever been able to participate in.
B~Blue skies. The sky is almost ALWAYS blue, in one shade or another. Yes, at sunset it has glorious streaks of red, orange, pink or purple...but if you look from horizon to horizon there is ALWAYS blue somewhere, whether the very lightest or darkest of shades. Then of course there are those shades of blue that penetrate your soul and stop you in your tracks. Blue resonates peace within my soul as it reminds me to breathe deeply and reflect of what soothes me.
C~Chaos. Through that past couple of years I have grown accustom to chaos, heck, I think I've learned to embrace it. The thing is, I have this tenancy to get these marvelous tension headaches and somewhere along this crazy road it occurred to me that in the midst of the chaos I can FREAK out and tense up every nerve in my body and end up in bed...or I can BREATHE and rest assured that the moment of chaos will pass. When it does finally subside, it will have left a "pearl" so to speak in its wake. That is why I am thankful for the chaos that is my life as a Gaither-Sanders-McCormick!
D-Dad. I am thankful for all the Dads in my life. My Quirky Dad, my girls Father, their Step -Dad, their surrogate Dads (uncles) and my surrogate Dads...Kyle and Dale to name a few. These men have left an impression on my life and the lives of my children and I am so thankful for the guidance and protection they have offered.
E- eggs. The incredible edible egg. :-) Couldn't resist that one. Eggs are a staple source of nutrition around here. Whether scrambled, boiled or in brownies as we've been known to indulge in for breakfast. Sure there are probably better things I could have put for E, but today this is what came to mind and it was fun so there ya have it.
F-FAMILY! This weekend as I was talking to my sisters about kids, I told them I felt like it took a family to raise kids. Not just a biological family, but everyone you feel so inclined to include in that circle. Our circle is so very large and is still growing and I LOVE it! I can't wait till all my siblings are married and have kiddos. Y'all think us Gaithers are a force to reckoned with now...just you wait!
G-grub. or food as some may call it. I love food and this is somewhat of a recent realization. I don't think I tasted food until just a few years ago. I certainly never explored or experimented with it like I have recently. I am not a cook or chef by nature, but I am an eater! I get excited about food and the possibilities. This is one of the areas in my life I wish we had robots or clones. That way I could conjure up these ideas in my head and someone (something) else would create them in my kitchen for me to enjoy! Yes, grub is certainly a blessing in my life!
H-Home. I am grateful that we have a house, but more so that we have a home. I am grateful that I have been able to provide the girls with that throughout everything we have been through. Not just 4 walls and a roof, but the love and security that surrounds you and make you feel warm and fuzzy inside.
I-internet. Thanks to this wonderful invention I am able to stay in touch with all of my families, pursue my education, and retain my sanity! :-p
J- well there are so many things that star with J that I am thankful for and I am certain that you can figure that one out on your own. Let's just say I love my J's and in another life I most certainly would have carried on my Daddy's tradition of name all my creatures with J's. But between the Gaithers and the Duggers, I think J is getting plenty of recognition. So another "j" thing I am appreciative of is the journey. The journey I am on and all I have because of it. My journey is certainly a great thing and I am learning more and more every day just how much more fun the journey is than the destination!
K-kids. Kids are a reflection of us, in our relationships. A vision, of our future and reminder to slow down and appreciate what we have when we have it. How many of you would love to travel back to your childhood for just one day to relive those carefree moments playing hide and go seek and enjoying the Popsicle as it drips down your arm and laughing~Oh to be able to laugh like a little girl again. Which leads right into...
L-LAUGHTER! Is there any medicine that is so sweet as laughter? I truly believe that the ability to laugh is one of our greatest powers!
M-My momma. I've written many times about this lady but it is worth repeating. My Mom is awesome and I feel so lucky that God picked her to raise not only me but all my siblings. And I am so thankful for the way the she choose to raise us. I have to say, I think she did a spectacular job, even when she may not think so. I hope my kids turn out half as good as hers did.
N- Night time. I LOVE night time, the calm relief from a hectic day, the stars, the SLEEP! :-)
O-October. While it is not secret that this is not my favorite month, I can still be thankful for the hidden blessings of cooler weather and the fact that it signals approaching holidays!
P- pickle pot children. It is no secret that I love my kids, but I am also thankful for all the other pickle pots who have worked their way in to my heart.
Q-quarters. :-) I am thankful for the quarters Nalise Jenia donated to the "keep the children happy" fund at the mall last night! :-)
R-Rain! So, very, extremely, overwhelmingly thankful for the rain!
S- Soldiers. Like My brother and sister. SO proud of what they do. No matter what anyone says, or the bed experiences some of us may have had with a few, I am grateful every day that there are people willing to step up in the face of adversity and protect what they love. It is easy to talk smack...it is hard to keep your mouth shut and fight to bestow the freedom to talk that smack to others. Hooah!
T-trees. I love me some trees! They remind me of my youth, of strength, promise and hope. I like flowers too...but if you want to get me something special...make it a tree to show that love withstands the storms.
U-uncles...my kids uncles that is. I have to brag a bit and say that my baby brothers are the bestest uncles these kiddos could have. God sure knew what he was doing there. :-)
V-voices. Especially the developing voice of my little guy. Those first coo's, then the grunts, the ahh's and now the "Guh" and "Kuh", soon to be joined with those priceless "huh, huh, huh"...giggles. Yes, I am so happy to hear this tiny voice.
W-water, fresh clean abundant drinking water. I don't really like the taste of water (at all) but I adore the way being hydrated makes me feel (and look) and I am grateful that this is something that I have access to everyday in my home.
X-I honestly have no clue on this one. Pass :-)
Y-You. Whoever you may be. You reading my blog and I am thankful for that. I may never know you, but I pray that as you read this you are inspired to take inventory in your own life of your blessings and that this Holiday season will be a treasure to you.
Zzzzz. As in sleep. I am so thankful for the ability to sleep. This is another blessing I have taken for granted. The fact that I am able to sleep, to quiet my mind and that my children are such amazing sleepers is probably one of my most generous blessings!
I am super excited to do pumpkins, to take pictures with my family (and sisters!) and start our Thankful tree. Then there will be Thanksgiving and Christmas and then New Years! Let's get this party started!
My first (of what I hope will be many) Thankful activity is an idea from my forever friend Larnie lou. Counting your blessing is as simple as ABC...
A~ I am thankful beyond words for my "crazy A's". Abigail, Amelia and Axel Jude. Their lives are simply the BEST thing that I have ever been able to participate in.
B~Blue skies. The sky is almost ALWAYS blue, in one shade or another. Yes, at sunset it has glorious streaks of red, orange, pink or purple...but if you look from horizon to horizon there is ALWAYS blue somewhere, whether the very lightest or darkest of shades. Then of course there are those shades of blue that penetrate your soul and stop you in your tracks. Blue resonates peace within my soul as it reminds me to breathe deeply and reflect of what soothes me.
C~Chaos. Through that past couple of years I have grown accustom to chaos, heck, I think I've learned to embrace it. The thing is, I have this tenancy to get these marvelous tension headaches and somewhere along this crazy road it occurred to me that in the midst of the chaos I can FREAK out and tense up every nerve in my body and end up in bed...or I can BREATHE and rest assured that the moment of chaos will pass. When it does finally subside, it will have left a "pearl" so to speak in its wake. That is why I am thankful for the chaos that is my life as a Gaither-Sanders-McCormick!
D-Dad. I am thankful for all the Dads in my life. My Quirky Dad, my girls Father, their Step -Dad, their surrogate Dads (uncles) and my surrogate Dads...Kyle and Dale to name a few. These men have left an impression on my life and the lives of my children and I am so thankful for the guidance and protection they have offered.
E- eggs. The incredible edible egg. :-) Couldn't resist that one. Eggs are a staple source of nutrition around here. Whether scrambled, boiled or in brownies as we've been known to indulge in for breakfast. Sure there are probably better things I could have put for E, but today this is what came to mind and it was fun so there ya have it.
F-FAMILY! This weekend as I was talking to my sisters about kids, I told them I felt like it took a family to raise kids. Not just a biological family, but everyone you feel so inclined to include in that circle. Our circle is so very large and is still growing and I LOVE it! I can't wait till all my siblings are married and have kiddos. Y'all think us Gaithers are a force to reckoned with now...just you wait!
G-grub. or food as some may call it. I love food and this is somewhat of a recent realization. I don't think I tasted food until just a few years ago. I certainly never explored or experimented with it like I have recently. I am not a cook or chef by nature, but I am an eater! I get excited about food and the possibilities. This is one of the areas in my life I wish we had robots or clones. That way I could conjure up these ideas in my head and someone (something) else would create them in my kitchen for me to enjoy! Yes, grub is certainly a blessing in my life!
H-Home. I am grateful that we have a house, but more so that we have a home. I am grateful that I have been able to provide the girls with that throughout everything we have been through. Not just 4 walls and a roof, but the love and security that surrounds you and make you feel warm and fuzzy inside.
I-internet. Thanks to this wonderful invention I am able to stay in touch with all of my families, pursue my education, and retain my sanity! :-p
J- well there are so many things that star with J that I am thankful for and I am certain that you can figure that one out on your own. Let's just say I love my J's and in another life I most certainly would have carried on my Daddy's tradition of name all my creatures with J's. But between the Gaithers and the Duggers, I think J is getting plenty of recognition. So another "j" thing I am appreciative of is the journey. The journey I am on and all I have because of it. My journey is certainly a great thing and I am learning more and more every day just how much more fun the journey is than the destination!
K-kids. Kids are a reflection of us, in our relationships. A vision, of our future and reminder to slow down and appreciate what we have when we have it. How many of you would love to travel back to your childhood for just one day to relive those carefree moments playing hide and go seek and enjoying the Popsicle as it drips down your arm and laughing~Oh to be able to laugh like a little girl again. Which leads right into...
L-LAUGHTER! Is there any medicine that is so sweet as laughter? I truly believe that the ability to laugh is one of our greatest powers!
M-My momma. I've written many times about this lady but it is worth repeating. My Mom is awesome and I feel so lucky that God picked her to raise not only me but all my siblings. And I am so thankful for the way the she choose to raise us. I have to say, I think she did a spectacular job, even when she may not think so. I hope my kids turn out half as good as hers did.
N- Night time. I LOVE night time, the calm relief from a hectic day, the stars, the SLEEP! :-)
O-October. While it is not secret that this is not my favorite month, I can still be thankful for the hidden blessings of cooler weather and the fact that it signals approaching holidays!
P- pickle pot children. It is no secret that I love my kids, but I am also thankful for all the other pickle pots who have worked their way in to my heart.
Q-quarters. :-) I am thankful for the quarters Nalise Jenia donated to the "keep the children happy" fund at the mall last night! :-)
R-Rain! So, very, extremely, overwhelmingly thankful for the rain!
S- Soldiers. Like My brother and sister. SO proud of what they do. No matter what anyone says, or the bed experiences some of us may have had with a few, I am grateful every day that there are people willing to step up in the face of adversity and protect what they love. It is easy to talk smack...it is hard to keep your mouth shut and fight to bestow the freedom to talk that smack to others. Hooah!
T-trees. I love me some trees! They remind me of my youth, of strength, promise and hope. I like flowers too...but if you want to get me something special...make it a tree to show that love withstands the storms.
U-uncles...my kids uncles that is. I have to brag a bit and say that my baby brothers are the bestest uncles these kiddos could have. God sure knew what he was doing there. :-)
V-voices. Especially the developing voice of my little guy. Those first coo's, then the grunts, the ahh's and now the "Guh" and "Kuh", soon to be joined with those priceless "huh, huh, huh"...giggles. Yes, I am so happy to hear this tiny voice.
W-water, fresh clean abundant drinking water. I don't really like the taste of water (at all) but I adore the way being hydrated makes me feel (and look) and I am grateful that this is something that I have access to everyday in my home.
X-I honestly have no clue on this one. Pass :-)
Y-You. Whoever you may be. You reading my blog and I am thankful for that. I may never know you, but I pray that as you read this you are inspired to take inventory in your own life of your blessings and that this Holiday season will be a treasure to you.
Zzzzz. As in sleep. I am so thankful for the ability to sleep. This is another blessing I have taken for granted. The fact that I am able to sleep, to quiet my mind and that my children are such amazing sleepers is probably one of my most generous blessings!
Friday, September 30, 2011
struggles
The last couple of weeks have gone by in such a blur, I feel like I can't catch my breath. Ryan had a quick (11 day) trip to Nevada, the girls are both doing soccer, Axel is 2 months, I'm still taking classes and I've started watching kids again. Does that last sentence leave any one else breathless?
Everything is going, as best it can when you have entirely too much on your plate. We are abundantly blessed.
Abigail and Amelia are a huge help...when they are not bickering.
Axel is the happiest baby I've ever seen...when he is not screaming.
I love Ryan completely...when he is not annoying the everlovin haybob outta me.
Work is great...when is doesn't entirely, totally and completely suck to be stuck in a house with two clingy babies and a bored out of her mind 4 year old.
Nevertheless...I have a crazy wonderful life and I love every moment...except for the ones I wish I could just go back to bed.
Everything is going, as best it can when you have entirely too much on your plate. We are abundantly blessed.
Abigail and Amelia are a huge help...when they are not bickering.
Axel is the happiest baby I've ever seen...when he is not screaming.
I love Ryan completely...when he is not annoying the everlovin haybob outta me.
Work is great...when is doesn't entirely, totally and completely suck to be stuck in a house with two clingy babies and a bored out of her mind 4 year old.
Nevertheless...I have a crazy wonderful life and I love every moment...except for the ones I wish I could just go back to bed.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Even before time
I was loved. This is an obscure thought for me...I was lucky enough to grow up with parents that loved me before I was born and raised me to know that God loved me before he created me in my Mother's womb. However, to think that God loved me, even before the creation of the earth...is almost too much for me to comprehend. I am loved beyond my comprehension! :-)
I hope I can get through this, my fingers keeping up with and properly sorting my thoughts so that this blog (somewhat) makes sense.
Over a year ago, I printed out the worksheets from a conference at a church that one of my fb friends helped with. I cannot tell you exactly when it did this...just that it was quite a while ago and that I moved the blank sheets with me with the intention of "one day" working thru them.
I have come across them several times, scanned over them, and moved them from one pile to another but never truly taking them time to "do" them. Until today, I walked into the office, pulled them out and began reading them with an inquisitive, open heart.
WOW!
I have been struggling and for the last few days, I've been asking God to show me why this struggle is necessary. I've come to learn that God uses my children as a mirror for my relationship with Him. Today I learned that He also uses my marriage.
Today I looked at my struggles through a different lens and realized that I am fearful in my marriage and in my relationship with God.
*this is not a sermon...this is simply for my personal need to process and document*
A few key points that spoke to me,
I was loved, created, chosen, destined for perfection and empowered, not from the beginning...but even before time. Like always and forever, infinity!
Kids are fond of this word...infinity but as adults, we forget what it means...that has never been a time when we were not loved. There has never been a moment we were not wanted. There was never a moment where we were powerless.
There are only moments we forget.
We are free. Free to be powerful. Free to be peaceful and powerful. He does not just love us and provide our basic needs...he has empowered us (empower: to give official power and legal authority, to enable"). It is up to us to accept the power and have confidence in it.
The reason this is speaking to me is that I have been hesitant in my marriage. I have allowed the pain of past failures and accusations to control my actions and feelings. I have been afraid. In this fear, I have closed myself off, to avoid pain. I have not allowed myself to be cared for. The fear has led to pride and stubborn hesitation.
I am not here because I earned it; I am here because I was chosen. Not because of what I could do or be...but just because I am.
I have to make myself at home. In my marriage, in my relationship with God, with myself.
I am so thankful that God knows what I need before I do. That he led me to the website and that my printer had ink in it so that I could print these pages out, way before the moment when they would "speak" to me.
Had I read these pages a year ago, I probably would have thrown them away.
It is not only knowing you are loved, but also that with this love, comes a promise of authority. I do not have to ask permission.
I need to have a sincere heart, accepting, trusting, and confident in all areas of this relationship as a reflection of my relationship with Christ.
There is nothing for me to prove or earn. I am not loved for the services provided, I am loved because He loves to love me, and it is what he wants to do because it gives him great pleasure.
Let him love you.
I hope I can get through this, my fingers keeping up with and properly sorting my thoughts so that this blog (somewhat) makes sense.
Over a year ago, I printed out the worksheets from a conference at a church that one of my fb friends helped with. I cannot tell you exactly when it did this...just that it was quite a while ago and that I moved the blank sheets with me with the intention of "one day" working thru them.
I have come across them several times, scanned over them, and moved them from one pile to another but never truly taking them time to "do" them. Until today, I walked into the office, pulled them out and began reading them with an inquisitive, open heart.
WOW!
I have been struggling and for the last few days, I've been asking God to show me why this struggle is necessary. I've come to learn that God uses my children as a mirror for my relationship with Him. Today I learned that He also uses my marriage.
Today I looked at my struggles through a different lens and realized that I am fearful in my marriage and in my relationship with God.
*this is not a sermon...this is simply for my personal need to process and document*
A few key points that spoke to me,
I was loved, created, chosen, destined for perfection and empowered, not from the beginning...but even before time. Like always and forever, infinity!
Kids are fond of this word...infinity but as adults, we forget what it means...that has never been a time when we were not loved. There has never been a moment we were not wanted. There was never a moment where we were powerless.
There are only moments we forget.
We are free. Free to be powerful. Free to be peaceful and powerful. He does not just love us and provide our basic needs...he has empowered us (empower: to give official power and legal authority, to enable"). It is up to us to accept the power and have confidence in it.
The reason this is speaking to me is that I have been hesitant in my marriage. I have allowed the pain of past failures and accusations to control my actions and feelings. I have been afraid. In this fear, I have closed myself off, to avoid pain. I have not allowed myself to be cared for. The fear has led to pride and stubborn hesitation.
I am not here because I earned it; I am here because I was chosen. Not because of what I could do or be...but just because I am.
I have to make myself at home. In my marriage, in my relationship with God, with myself.
I am so thankful that God knows what I need before I do. That he led me to the website and that my printer had ink in it so that I could print these pages out, way before the moment when they would "speak" to me.
Had I read these pages a year ago, I probably would have thrown them away.
It is not only knowing you are loved, but also that with this love, comes a promise of authority. I do not have to ask permission.
I need to have a sincere heart, accepting, trusting, and confident in all areas of this relationship as a reflection of my relationship with Christ.
There is nothing for me to prove or earn. I am not loved for the services provided, I am loved because He loves to love me, and it is what he wants to do because it gives him great pleasure.
Let him love you.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
enjoy
That is my goal for this week and next. To enjoy and live in each and every moment, making the most of it. I will start watching a friend's little girl in a few weeks and I want to absorb every moment of "free time" while I can. I am also scheduling appointments and trying to make sure the house is "baby-proof" and all that jazz. Oh, and yes, my classes have started for this year. I am on the down hill side of this degree, trying to figure out whats next. Nursing or occupational therapy or take a break and just be Mom? Only time will tell.
I feel myself slipping, losing track of time, not being able to cross off the things on my daily to do list. Fortunately it is just simple little things that don;t really affect the outcome of each day, but they stress me none the less. I am actively working on that...If it doesn't have to get done today, then there is tomorrow. Do today what I cannot do tomorrow and then enjoy your family with every "free" moment I have.
Axel is growing well, as are his sisters. All too fast for my liking, but I will not complain about healthy growing children!
Amelia is working on her first "homework" which I will post a picture of after it is complete and she is adjusting to being at preschool without Mom quite nicely. She walked in, big and proud the first day, only shedding tears when she realized Mom would not be in "across the hall if she needed a hug". Thursday was a battle (i blame exhaustion) but I am proud to report that today there were no tears! She is such a smart girl and part of me thinks that the tears were just a test for Mom, which we both passed, hahaha! :-)
I am so blessed to have such amazing kids. We have our moments of trial and error, but overall, I think my kids are pretty easy going and too smart for their own good.
I wouldn't have it any other way! :-)
I feel myself slipping, losing track of time, not being able to cross off the things on my daily to do list. Fortunately it is just simple little things that don;t really affect the outcome of each day, but they stress me none the less. I am actively working on that...If it doesn't have to get done today, then there is tomorrow. Do today what I cannot do tomorrow and then enjoy your family with every "free" moment I have.
Axel is growing well, as are his sisters. All too fast for my liking, but I will not complain about healthy growing children!
Amelia is working on her first "homework" which I will post a picture of after it is complete and she is adjusting to being at preschool without Mom quite nicely. She walked in, big and proud the first day, only shedding tears when she realized Mom would not be in "across the hall if she needed a hug". Thursday was a battle (i blame exhaustion) but I am proud to report that today there were no tears! She is such a smart girl and part of me thinks that the tears were just a test for Mom, which we both passed, hahaha! :-)
I am so blessed to have such amazing kids. We have our moments of trial and error, but overall, I think my kids are pretty easy going and too smart for their own good.
I wouldn't have it any other way! :-)
Monday, August 22, 2011
I knew it was coming
The day when she would walk into school on her own. I jsut didn't think it would be this year. I wasn't ready for that. There have been no tears, yet. They will come later in the shower as I replay today in my mind. And last year, and the year before...it was just yesterday that she learned her ABC's. My girl continues to grow and while it pleases my soul that she is healthy, it breaks my heart that someday she will be too big to cuddle sweetly in my arms.
Last night she packed her lunch and laid out her clothes, complete with accessories. Earrings, watch, a sweater that she picked out. I wanted to take a picture but got sidetracked. I need to stop getting sidetracked...I did get the note tucked in her lunch though.
She got up at 6 this morning, got dressed and ate her donuts and asked me to straighten her hair and she read the note when she double checked her lunch.
She was nervous riding to school... and yet so ready to go. She jumped out of the car and didn't look back. Which was a blessing in disguise, because we both would have lost it. Can't wait till she gets home to tell me all about it.
Last night she packed her lunch and laid out her clothes, complete with accessories. Earrings, watch, a sweater that she picked out. I wanted to take a picture but got sidetracked. I need to stop getting sidetracked...I did get the note tucked in her lunch though.
She got up at 6 this morning, got dressed and ate her donuts and asked me to straighten her hair and she read the note when she double checked her lunch.
She was nervous riding to school... and yet so ready to go. She jumped out of the car and didn't look back. Which was a blessing in disguise, because we both would have lost it. Can't wait till she gets home to tell me all about it.
Friday, August 19, 2011
My loves
I've been working on this post in my head for days now...with the grandest of intentions. In a perfect world this post would include beautiful pictures of each thing I am about to list. But I do not live in a perfect world, so use your imagination. :-)
Axel, since he is the newest addition I'm going to start with him.
*Dirty, little boy fingernails. How they are dirty, I have no clue. The child is rarely put down and obviously not in the dirt, however, his nails are just as dirty, if not more so than his sisters, who actually do play in the dirt.
*His tiny little cowlick. Oh, this perfect little swirl of hair just left of the center of his forehead and hairline. Why I am infatuated with it, I cannot explain. I adore it, simply because it is adorable.
*One stinky foot. Not both, just one smells perfectly of baby sweat. Baby sweat is not nasty, it is like perfume crack (as in the addictive drug, not hiney-bo's) and I find myself kissing this one stinky foot a hundred times a day.
~Amelia~
Oh this girl, What is not to love? Aside form her attitude and recent passive aggressiveness towards the little brother she loves so much.
~I am in love with her lashes. Her eyelashes are a force to be reckoned with. She uses her eyelashes to get out of trouble, to express her joy and most recently to make Momma swoon when she blows them away and wishes. (This is where a picture of her with her eyes squished shut would make my heart leap.)
~Also, worth noting is her sudden, re-attachment to me. Maybe it's wrong in some circles, but I'm not in those circles so it's not wrong where I live. I love that she is having moments of "I just need my Mommy". I love feeling that she still needs me. I love that I am the only one who can calm her when we take our ten deep breaths. I love that I am the one teaching her to stop, breathe and deal with the challenges life throws at you.
Her dance moves...until you have witnessed this, there is no explaining the mad talent this child has or the insane connection she feels to the music. Sadly, I must attribute this to her father as I am completely rhythmically challenged.
Abigail
~*~This girl is not only my love, but a huge chunk of my soul. We are going to do a unit study on Horses this fall so she can "keep her reputation as the (3rd) smartest kid in her grade". Ever since she was a toddler, she has loved learning and I have enjoyed the thrill of watching her learn.
~*~I love that she gets lost in books for hours at a time and I wish I had a picture of her reading to share, the look on her face when she is fully immersed in a story is one of my many treasures. This I can take credit for :-)
~*~I love her funk. Her funk is quite different from Amelia's...she is funky as in fun! She is always conjuring up crazy, off beat ideas in her head and I am often blow away by the seriousness of her thought process. And it's not just me, her Teacher last year noted that when Abigail has an idea or suggestion, it is not a typical 9 year old idea but something that actually could improve the situation. She loves the idea of invention and has a mind that I suspect will change the world one day.
And the list goes on...
Axel, since he is the newest addition I'm going to start with him.
*Dirty, little boy fingernails. How they are dirty, I have no clue. The child is rarely put down and obviously not in the dirt, however, his nails are just as dirty, if not more so than his sisters, who actually do play in the dirt.
*His tiny little cowlick. Oh, this perfect little swirl of hair just left of the center of his forehead and hairline. Why I am infatuated with it, I cannot explain. I adore it, simply because it is adorable.
*One stinky foot. Not both, just one smells perfectly of baby sweat. Baby sweat is not nasty, it is like perfume crack (as in the addictive drug, not hiney-bo's) and I find myself kissing this one stinky foot a hundred times a day.
~Amelia~
Oh this girl, What is not to love? Aside form her attitude and recent passive aggressiveness towards the little brother she loves so much.
~I am in love with her lashes. Her eyelashes are a force to be reckoned with. She uses her eyelashes to get out of trouble, to express her joy and most recently to make Momma swoon when she blows them away and wishes. (This is where a picture of her with her eyes squished shut would make my heart leap.)
~Also, worth noting is her sudden, re-attachment to me. Maybe it's wrong in some circles, but I'm not in those circles so it's not wrong where I live. I love that she is having moments of "I just need my Mommy". I love feeling that she still needs me. I love that I am the only one who can calm her when we take our ten deep breaths. I love that I am the one teaching her to stop, breathe and deal with the challenges life throws at you.
Her dance moves...until you have witnessed this, there is no explaining the mad talent this child has or the insane connection she feels to the music. Sadly, I must attribute this to her father as I am completely rhythmically challenged.
Abigail
~*~This girl is not only my love, but a huge chunk of my soul. We are going to do a unit study on Horses this fall so she can "keep her reputation as the (3rd) smartest kid in her grade". Ever since she was a toddler, she has loved learning and I have enjoyed the thrill of watching her learn.
~*~I love that she gets lost in books for hours at a time and I wish I had a picture of her reading to share, the look on her face when she is fully immersed in a story is one of my many treasures. This I can take credit for :-)
~*~I love her funk. Her funk is quite different from Amelia's...she is funky as in fun! She is always conjuring up crazy, off beat ideas in her head and I am often blow away by the seriousness of her thought process. And it's not just me, her Teacher last year noted that when Abigail has an idea or suggestion, it is not a typical 9 year old idea but something that actually could improve the situation. She loves the idea of invention and has a mind that I suspect will change the world one day.
And the list goes on...
Monday, August 8, 2011
Our days with the boy
The girls are home now, and we are settling in with our tiny guy quite nicely. He is growing much quicker than I remember the girls. It seems every time I look at him, he is changing! He is already pretty good at holding up his head, he smiles & coos, loves to nurse, he has "big eyes", loves to observe and his quizzical looks have captured our hearts. He has every one of us wrapped around his finger. He will be a little more spoiled because he has 4 people fighting over holding him! :-)
The girls are sick today~I told them it was God's way of telling all of us to take a day and chill. So much for my insane to do list! My heart breaks because I cannot be with all 3 at the same time, but we are managing and I keep repeating, "this too shall pass!".
I have 2 weeks of math due this week and I am hoping the teacher will have mercy and grant me an extension. This weekend we are supposed to go to Dallas, I have a very important visitor coming back to Texas and we are celebrating my Grandmother's 90th birthday!
The girls are sick today~I told them it was God's way of telling all of us to take a day and chill. So much for my insane to do list! My heart breaks because I cannot be with all 3 at the same time, but we are managing and I keep repeating, "this too shall pass!".
I have 2 weeks of math due this week and I am hoping the teacher will have mercy and grant me an extension. This weekend we are supposed to go to Dallas, I have a very important visitor coming back to Texas and we are celebrating my Grandmother's 90th birthday!
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Hey Vanessa!
You still out there, lurking in the shadows? If so, can you pass along a message to your husband?
So your almighty DVM self is gonna fuss at me about expecting you to pay for the girls soccer (that YOU wanted them signed up for, so that they would be "active" and "socialized") because it stresses your budget?! That big ole vet salary has you on a really tight budget if you can afford to take the girls to NC and NY but can't afford a measly $75.00 for sports? On top of that your going to point out that you can only do so much to pay for their college and want to know when I'm gonna contribute $ to the fund you set up and I have no access to?
May I remind you why we are even in this position in the first place?
I'm sure it has NOTHING to do with the fact that you just spent a good chunk of cash on a fancy camper for your princess of a wife...funny thing, your old wife didn't have any problems sleeping in a tent.
Before you have the gall to tell me I am not contributing...please take a moment to use that mass of cells located in your skull to consider that just maybe I am "contributing"...plenty! You know, because I do the hard work, putting in the actual hours to make sure they are prepared for school, getting to school, making sure their homework is finished, dealing with school stress, teachers and also doing extra stuff outside of school because the public school is so limiting.
I guess all that pales in comparison to your contribution of putting aside bit of cash in an big fancy account to let it accumulate (and be a tax deduction). I swear you must think I am a complete moron.
How dare you speak down to me like that!?!?!?!?!? I might have put up with that horse manure when I was married to you...but I'm not married to you anymore and therefore no longer your doormat. You have a new wife, go $#@* on her!
So your almighty DVM self is gonna fuss at me about expecting you to pay for the girls soccer (that YOU wanted them signed up for, so that they would be "active" and "socialized") because it stresses your budget?! That big ole vet salary has you on a really tight budget if you can afford to take the girls to NC and NY but can't afford a measly $75.00 for sports? On top of that your going to point out that you can only do so much to pay for their college and want to know when I'm gonna contribute $ to the fund you set up and I have no access to?
May I remind you why we are even in this position in the first place?
I'm sure it has NOTHING to do with the fact that you just spent a good chunk of cash on a fancy camper for your princess of a wife...funny thing, your old wife didn't have any problems sleeping in a tent.
Before you have the gall to tell me I am not contributing...please take a moment to use that mass of cells located in your skull to consider that just maybe I am "contributing"...plenty! You know, because I do the hard work, putting in the actual hours to make sure they are prepared for school, getting to school, making sure their homework is finished, dealing with school stress, teachers and also doing extra stuff outside of school because the public school is so limiting.
I guess all that pales in comparison to your contribution of putting aside bit of cash in an big fancy account to let it accumulate (and be a tax deduction). I swear you must think I am a complete moron.
How dare you speak down to me like that!?!?!?!?!? I might have put up with that horse manure when I was married to you...but I'm not married to you anymore and therefore no longer your doormat. You have a new wife, go $#@* on her!
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Hangin with my *little* man and dreaming about tomorrow
The last 2 weeks have been a blur, but I guess that is typical for having just had a baby. Axel is such a sweet boy, despite having his days and nights mixed up. He is most alert between 11pm and 3 am...and I am still enjoying it. I do however, feel the need to try and "fix" this before the girls get home. So tonight he is sitting in his bouncy seat instead of me holding him. Its been a challenge because I can't really let him fuss because Ryan has to be at work at 6am and so I am trying to make sure he gets his rest. Axel and I can catch up in the mornings. Even when the girls get home, we will have a few days where I'll just let them come snuggle in bed with me and the boy. I think it will be good bonding time!
Have I mentioned I am so, so ready for my girls to be home! Aside from wanting them to meet Axel, I NEED some Abi and Mia hugs! Axel is such a delicious little baby, but he doesn't in any way shape or form replace my baby girls. Once I get all my babies home with me~my heart may burst!
I didn't have any idea how precious (and needed) this time would be...the time to actually rest. To lounge in bed and allow Axel to nurse on demand, there are no words to describe this luxury. I am so very grateful for this opportunity to recover and get to know this little guy. He is such a Mamas boy! I have been good and I have shared him with Ryan, but he prefers to be in my arms and I of course, think that is exactly how it should be! ;-p He has even smiled a few times~(oddly enough when I am fussin at him about how he should be sleeping at 2am) but mostly he is a serious, observant fellow. He is strong and if his current eating schedule is any indication he will be a chunk in no time!
In other areas, I am struggling. I miss my friends. I miss my family. I am lonely. Ryan is doing a great job, he is an excellent father and he is really making an effort to take care of me. I'm not making it very easy though...I've become so independent that I pretty much despise the idea of allowing anyone to take care of me. I'd rather just do it on my own. So we struggle there because he feels like he *should* take care of me, and part of me feels like he *should* spoil me a little bit, but unless I specify~how is a man suppose to know what to do. I guess in short, we still have some work to do in the communication department. We only have the rest of our lives to figure that out, Ha!
As I sit here tonight my mind is a raging sea...replaying past events, dreaming about the future, I guess its because I'm tired...but I couldn't sleep if I tried. My heart feels things I cannot say out loud. Which in itself is excruciating. Yet there is peace because even in the midst of this current chaos~I know the story has a happy ending. But in order to get there, you have to ends certain chapters so you can move on to the next. I don't like the end of this chapter, this waiting room that has been my home for so long is too comfortable to leave. Funny how that happens. I keep going back to my memories and replaying the "what ifs" in my head, because they are what I know. Change and uncertainty are looming ahead~and for the first time in a long time I am scared. This is how my hormones get all whacked out after having a baby. Irrational fears. Tomorrow my Mom will be here, then Friday a few of my sisters will be here and we will go get Abigail and Amelia and I will see my friends. I will enjoy a few hours of company and my heart will not be lonely. So tonight I will find rest and solace in the joyful anticipation of tomorrow.
Have I mentioned I am so, so ready for my girls to be home! Aside from wanting them to meet Axel, I NEED some Abi and Mia hugs! Axel is such a delicious little baby, but he doesn't in any way shape or form replace my baby girls. Once I get all my babies home with me~my heart may burst!
I didn't have any idea how precious (and needed) this time would be...the time to actually rest. To lounge in bed and allow Axel to nurse on demand, there are no words to describe this luxury. I am so very grateful for this opportunity to recover and get to know this little guy. He is such a Mamas boy! I have been good and I have shared him with Ryan, but he prefers to be in my arms and I of course, think that is exactly how it should be! ;-p He has even smiled a few times~(oddly enough when I am fussin at him about how he should be sleeping at 2am) but mostly he is a serious, observant fellow. He is strong and if his current eating schedule is any indication he will be a chunk in no time!
In other areas, I am struggling. I miss my friends. I miss my family. I am lonely. Ryan is doing a great job, he is an excellent father and he is really making an effort to take care of me. I'm not making it very easy though...I've become so independent that I pretty much despise the idea of allowing anyone to take care of me. I'd rather just do it on my own. So we struggle there because he feels like he *should* take care of me, and part of me feels like he *should* spoil me a little bit, but unless I specify~how is a man suppose to know what to do. I guess in short, we still have some work to do in the communication department. We only have the rest of our lives to figure that out, Ha!
As I sit here tonight my mind is a raging sea...replaying past events, dreaming about the future, I guess its because I'm tired...but I couldn't sleep if I tried. My heart feels things I cannot say out loud. Which in itself is excruciating. Yet there is peace because even in the midst of this current chaos~I know the story has a happy ending. But in order to get there, you have to ends certain chapters so you can move on to the next. I don't like the end of this chapter, this waiting room that has been my home for so long is too comfortable to leave. Funny how that happens. I keep going back to my memories and replaying the "what ifs" in my head, because they are what I know. Change and uncertainty are looming ahead~and for the first time in a long time I am scared. This is how my hormones get all whacked out after having a baby. Irrational fears. Tomorrow my Mom will be here, then Friday a few of my sisters will be here and we will go get Abigail and Amelia and I will see my friends. I will enjoy a few hours of company and my heart will not be lonely. So tonight I will find rest and solace in the joyful anticipation of tomorrow.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Life with Axel Jude
As of 11:25 last Tuesday, July 12th 2011, our lives are forever changed. Axel Jude arrived quickly, shocking the Dr by weighing in at 8lbs and 5oz and measuring 20.5 in. I kept telling people he was gonna be a big baby. I love being right! :-)
He is doing great, eating often and at his 5 day appt he impressed his pedi because not only had he gained back the few ounces lost, he had gone over his birth weight! This little man is gonna be a hoss!
He is figuring out the sleeping thing slowly but surely. I have to remind myself he is just a week old and not to be impatient. I want him to stay little even if it means a few sleepless nights. I have enjoyed those nights with all of my kids, that precious alone time where it is just us and its quiet. I have a hard time going back to sleep because I am fascinated with the wonder that is my child. It never gets old to observe a newborn child. Life is such an amazing journey, I can't help but think back to Abigail and Amelia as babies. They grow so fast. I stare at Axel and try to soak in every moment because I know all too soon he will be a chubby infant not a newborn. Then I will blink and he will be a toddler, then a kid...all too soon he will be a man.
I pray he will grow strong, have a kind heart and a wise soul. I pray so many things for this child...but most of all I pray thankful prayers. I am thankful that he is here and I get to be his Mom. There is no greater blessing than my children.
Abigail and Amelia are enjoying the east coast, and even though I miss them more than words can say~ I am grateful that they get to have these experiences and time with family. When they get home I will be rested and Axel will be a little more responsive which I think they will appreciate more than his current grubworm stage, haha!
My cup overflows :-)
He is doing great, eating often and at his 5 day appt he impressed his pedi because not only had he gained back the few ounces lost, he had gone over his birth weight! This little man is gonna be a hoss!
He is figuring out the sleeping thing slowly but surely. I have to remind myself he is just a week old and not to be impatient. I want him to stay little even if it means a few sleepless nights. I have enjoyed those nights with all of my kids, that precious alone time where it is just us and its quiet. I have a hard time going back to sleep because I am fascinated with the wonder that is my child. It never gets old to observe a newborn child. Life is such an amazing journey, I can't help but think back to Abigail and Amelia as babies. They grow so fast. I stare at Axel and try to soak in every moment because I know all too soon he will be a chubby infant not a newborn. Then I will blink and he will be a toddler, then a kid...all too soon he will be a man.
I pray he will grow strong, have a kind heart and a wise soul. I pray so many things for this child...but most of all I pray thankful prayers. I am thankful that he is here and I get to be his Mom. There is no greater blessing than my children.
Abigail and Amelia are enjoying the east coast, and even though I miss them more than words can say~ I am grateful that they get to have these experiences and time with family. When they get home I will be rested and Axel will be a little more responsive which I think they will appreciate more than his current grubworm stage, haha!
My cup overflows :-)
Monday, July 11, 2011
Life before the boy
Tomorrow is the day from what they tell me. The day my life will once again be changed irrevocably, by a boy. A boy who will steal my heart, hang the moon, be my world and then leave.
No, this is not the same old, same old...this will be the story of my son.
Tomorrow, assuming all goes according to plan I will be counting toes and kissing sweet baby boy cheeks and marveling at the goodness of life. I am beyond excited!!!
I have a few brothers, and I've played surrogate mom to a few boys so I don't feel completely unprepared...heck, according to my plan I was gonna have 3 boys first then get my girl. But God had a different plan. A much, much different plan. I am sure tomorrow will be the furthest thing from "my plan" as that seems to be how life goes, hahaha! Back to the point~ tomorrow I won't just play mommy to a boy, I will become Mommy to a boy, to my boy, and I can't think of a greater gift!
Now, a note to my girls...
Just because I blogged about Axel, does not in any way mean that I love you girls less. Or that I don't miss you so much it hurts! It just means that my heart got a little bit bigger, as will your hearts when you meet him. I am so lucky that God had a different plan and that He sent you two into my life first. You girls have made me the mom I am today and I wouldn't trade that for ANYTHING!!!!!!
Some times we have to take detours~and Abigail, as you are realizing sometimes those detours are really not fun. But the good news is, that in the end, we all end up exactly where we need to be, surrounded by people who love us for who we are and happier than we could have dreamed. And the moments of sadness and disappointment help us appreciate the happy moments so much more!
Abigail, you will forever be my first born. You made me a Mom. You are my saving grace and my joy beyond explanation. You amaze me everyday, even when you are not here with me, I am just so proud of the person you are and the potential you have.
Amelia, you are my angel baby. You are my hope and the super bright light in our lives. You mean so much to me, you filled an empty place in my heart before I even knew it was empty.
We don't know yet how this boy will change our lives, no doubt he will make a lot of crazy big messes, but I think you girls will adore him and I know he will adore you both and drive you insane!
So, here goes nothing! :-)
No, this is not the same old, same old...this will be the story of my son.
Tomorrow, assuming all goes according to plan I will be counting toes and kissing sweet baby boy cheeks and marveling at the goodness of life. I am beyond excited!!!
I have a few brothers, and I've played surrogate mom to a few boys so I don't feel completely unprepared...heck, according to my plan I was gonna have 3 boys first then get my girl. But God had a different plan. A much, much different plan. I am sure tomorrow will be the furthest thing from "my plan" as that seems to be how life goes, hahaha! Back to the point~ tomorrow I won't just play mommy to a boy, I will become Mommy to a boy, to my boy, and I can't think of a greater gift!
Now, a note to my girls...
Just because I blogged about Axel, does not in any way mean that I love you girls less. Or that I don't miss you so much it hurts! It just means that my heart got a little bit bigger, as will your hearts when you meet him. I am so lucky that God had a different plan and that He sent you two into my life first. You girls have made me the mom I am today and I wouldn't trade that for ANYTHING!!!!!!
Some times we have to take detours~and Abigail, as you are realizing sometimes those detours are really not fun. But the good news is, that in the end, we all end up exactly where we need to be, surrounded by people who love us for who we are and happier than we could have dreamed. And the moments of sadness and disappointment help us appreciate the happy moments so much more!
Abigail, you will forever be my first born. You made me a Mom. You are my saving grace and my joy beyond explanation. You amaze me everyday, even when you are not here with me, I am just so proud of the person you are and the potential you have.
Amelia, you are my angel baby. You are my hope and the super bright light in our lives. You mean so much to me, you filled an empty place in my heart before I even knew it was empty.
We don't know yet how this boy will change our lives, no doubt he will make a lot of crazy big messes, but I think you girls will adore him and I know he will adore you both and drive you insane!
So, here goes nothing! :-)
Friday, July 1, 2011
July
I was really praying fro a June baby...and today is July first. I suppose I should be thankful for "unanswered" prayers. Im trying to be patient...but I can only clean the house so many times before I get anxious! The girls leave on Monday for the remainder of the month. My Philosophy class ends next Friday. Then what?!
I don't handle "free" time well, I need to know whats lined up next. I need to be busy. I detest standing still. Hmmmm...
We keep coming back to this don't we. Will I ever learn?
I don't handle "free" time well, I need to know whats lined up next. I need to be busy. I detest standing still. Hmmmm...
We keep coming back to this don't we. Will I ever learn?
Thursday, June 23, 2011
(belated) Father's Day
In honor of my perpetually late Dad, this is my Father's day post. I didn't plan it this way~but it seems fitting, hahaha!!! :-)
So I have this Dad, he is a little (okay, maybe more than a little) goofy. I can honestly say he is one of the smartest men I know...he knows alot about everything and mostly people. Everywhere we go, he knows somebody. I'll never forget the Wal-Mart in Lampasas that one August vacation, He sees this little old lady shuffling across the parking lot and says "I think that is so and so, my second grade teacher".He knows pretty much anything and everything about Texas, and politics and the Bible. He has some seriously vintage ties, has been known to wear some pretty funny clothing combinations and makes up even crazier omelet creations because he can't stand to waste food.
He has been married to my Mom for the better part of 4 decades now. Yep they celebrate 40 years next may! Not that I think my Mom is a difficult woman by any means, but still, I think it speaks volumes about a man if he stays married to the same woman through 9 pregnancies.
He loves to take the long way, to drive for the sake of driving, he collects rocks and has been known to pop them in his mouth on occasion. He also does this with straws. My own gum addiction is most definitely inherited from him! His National Geographic collection took up the entire perimeter of his office. He had floor to ceiling, built in book shelves but built additional shelves to house these magazines. And if you messed with them, he would notice!
He is an amazing father, this is a realization I came to later in life I must admit. Growing up he annoyed me. Every time he would quote "children obey your parents" we would respond, "Fathers, do not exasperate your children.". He dolled out plenty of spankings but nothing compared to that truly evil disapproving look in those black rimmed glasses. That look burned holes straight through me! He prayed at every meal, read Proverbs to us for years and the book, all I need to know I learned in kindergarten. He may not have been a super touchy feely Dad, but when push came to shove, you knew he loved you. When I had told my parents I was pregnant with Abigail I understood that for the first time. There was no judgment, no shame, no condemnation...just love and excitement over a new life. As he sat in the hospital with me, not saying a word rubing my feet I understood how much he loved me and just how much I needed him. That my friends is the most important gift a father can give.
So I have this Dad, he is a little (okay, maybe more than a little) goofy. I can honestly say he is one of the smartest men I know...he knows alot about everything and mostly people. Everywhere we go, he knows somebody. I'll never forget the Wal-Mart in Lampasas that one August vacation, He sees this little old lady shuffling across the parking lot and says "I think that is so and so, my second grade teacher".He knows pretty much anything and everything about Texas, and politics and the Bible. He has some seriously vintage ties, has been known to wear some pretty funny clothing combinations and makes up even crazier omelet creations because he can't stand to waste food.
He has been married to my Mom for the better part of 4 decades now. Yep they celebrate 40 years next may! Not that I think my Mom is a difficult woman by any means, but still, I think it speaks volumes about a man if he stays married to the same woman through 9 pregnancies.
He loves to take the long way, to drive for the sake of driving, he collects rocks and has been known to pop them in his mouth on occasion. He also does this with straws. My own gum addiction is most definitely inherited from him! His National Geographic collection took up the entire perimeter of his office. He had floor to ceiling, built in book shelves but built additional shelves to house these magazines. And if you messed with them, he would notice!
He is an amazing father, this is a realization I came to later in life I must admit. Growing up he annoyed me. Every time he would quote "children obey your parents" we would respond, "Fathers, do not exasperate your children.". He dolled out plenty of spankings but nothing compared to that truly evil disapproving look in those black rimmed glasses. That look burned holes straight through me! He prayed at every meal, read Proverbs to us for years and the book, all I need to know I learned in kindergarten. He may not have been a super touchy feely Dad, but when push came to shove, you knew he loved you. When I had told my parents I was pregnant with Abigail I understood that for the first time. There was no judgment, no shame, no condemnation...just love and excitement over a new life. As he sat in the hospital with me, not saying a word rubing my feet I understood how much he loved me and just how much I needed him. That my friends is the most important gift a father can give.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
a few monkey moments
The girls have been home about a week and a half now and I am breathing much easier! The first week back was a little wonky because we had arranged to bring Katelyn back from CS with us so she went straight from 2 weeks of chaos with Dad to a week of chaos with Mom. We ended the week with a baby shower and celebrating Father's Day with my family and all that left us completely and utterly exhausted, at our wits end with each other. After a few chill days with Mom, both girls are finally calming down and settling back into our routine. The black cloud hanging over us is the fact that they go back to their Dads this weekend. My oh so human complaint is that he gets 2, then 4 weeks of *uninterrupted* time with them. This is a luxury I will NEVER get. Such is life...
This week we have looked for new bedspreads and curtains to decorate their rooms, went to get our nails done and to the movies. Throw in a trip to Starbucks, lots of ice cream cones, playing in the sprinkler, walks with Maelei, and lazy mornings lounging in bed, watching TV and that pretty much sums up what our days have been filled with. It really has been soothing to all of our souls to have this precious time to enjoy with each other.
I am looking forward to, and trying to think of some really fun stuff to do next week before they leave for July. On the agenda so far is a trip to Stephenville, complete with fishing with the uncles, horseback riding with the aunts/friends, lots of swimming and a special date night for Mom and Abigail. Somewhere in there we will let the girls decorate letters for Axel's room, take some pictures and decorate 4th of July shirts! Whew...we like to stay busy that's for sure! :-)
This week we have looked for new bedspreads and curtains to decorate their rooms, went to get our nails done and to the movies. Throw in a trip to Starbucks, lots of ice cream cones, playing in the sprinkler, walks with Maelei, and lazy mornings lounging in bed, watching TV and that pretty much sums up what our days have been filled with. It really has been soothing to all of our souls to have this precious time to enjoy with each other.
I am looking forward to, and trying to think of some really fun stuff to do next week before they leave for July. On the agenda so far is a trip to Stephenville, complete with fishing with the uncles, horseback riding with the aunts/friends, lots of swimming and a special date night for Mom and Abigail. Somewhere in there we will let the girls decorate letters for Axel's room, take some pictures and decorate 4th of July shirts! Whew...we like to stay busy that's for sure! :-)
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Today is going to be a great day!
First off today marks one year for Ryan and I! This past year is difficult to sum up in words, but of course I have to try so here is what I have. We made it through the good bad and ugly~all wrapped up in commitment, devotion and love. This year has taught me many, many things. Personal differences, perspective, trust. I won't lie and tell you we had a fairytale year~but I will honestly say that I look forward to the rest of the story with this man who continues to prove every day that he is my prince and that I am his princess.
Today is also the first welcoming party for Axel! It means his arrival is real and close, and I am beginning to get anxious. Of course I want to "plan" how everything will go which means I am about to embark on a journey I can't even imagine...God has a sense of humor like that!
I get to see my friends...this is ALWAYS cause for celebration! :-)
And after all that...
Today is also the first welcoming party for Axel! It means his arrival is real and close, and I am beginning to get anxious. Of course I want to "plan" how everything will go which means I am about to embark on a journey I can't even imagine...God has a sense of humor like that!
I get to see my friends...this is ALWAYS cause for celebration! :-)
And after all that...
I GET TO GO PICK UP MY GIRLS!!!!!
I am so thankful for friends who take into consideration my life and personality when planning events such as this. They knew that I would need a distraction to make it through today, being so anxious to wrap my arms around Abigail and Amelia! I know it is bothersome at times for those who love me to have to deal with my emotional reactions to this whole visitation drama...but I am so blessed to have friends and family who know how silly I get and who not only love me anyway, they continue to help me cope!
Today is going to be such an amazing day, I'm off to relish in it!
I am so thankful for friends who take into consideration my life and personality when planning events such as this. They knew that I would need a distraction to make it through today, being so anxious to wrap my arms around Abigail and Amelia! I know it is bothersome at times for those who love me to have to deal with my emotional reactions to this whole visitation drama...but I am so blessed to have friends and family who know how silly I get and who not only love me anyway, they continue to help me cope!
Today is going to be such an amazing day, I'm off to relish in it!
Monday, June 6, 2011
6 days!
Till the girls come home! So now I have to kick it into gear and get some stuff taken care of before they get here :-)
Today I realized exactly how much there is that I still need to do...Tomorrow I have plans to meet a friend for lunch, and run around town paying bills, but Wednesday will be the clearing of closets! Thursday I will preform a magic trick and make all the clothes disappear! Bwahahaha!!!!
Is it sad how much the thought of cleaning out closets excites me! I am amazed at how much we've accumulate in a year.
We have pretty much everything set for Axel. The only things left to do are pack for the hospital and install the car seat. And the way I figure, if I do those things then there will be no chance of him coming on his own. I hope to be the woman throwing random objects in a bag and rushing out the door to the hospital or better yet, having to rely on a sister to bring me what I need!
That seems to cover it for now. I'm sure I'll find something else to write about in the near future, so until then :-)
Today I realized exactly how much there is that I still need to do...Tomorrow I have plans to meet a friend for lunch, and run around town paying bills, but Wednesday will be the clearing of closets! Thursday I will preform a magic trick and make all the clothes disappear! Bwahahaha!!!!
Is it sad how much the thought of cleaning out closets excites me! I am amazed at how much we've accumulate in a year.
We have pretty much everything set for Axel. The only things left to do are pack for the hospital and install the car seat. And the way I figure, if I do those things then there will be no chance of him coming on his own. I hope to be the woman throwing random objects in a bag and rushing out the door to the hospital or better yet, having to rely on a sister to bring me what I need!
That seems to cover it for now. I'm sure I'll find something else to write about in the near future, so until then :-)
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Missing my loves
I am deep in a funk right about now...despite my best efforts not to be. I miss them, in all their rotten-ness. It amazes me how much free time I have. I do not like it. I miss playing chauffeur, referee, nurse, chef, maid etc...
I hope they know how much I miss them. Not because I want them to be sad, or feel bad for me, but because the thought of my babies wondering why I haven't called, shreds my heart! Its a sticky predicament...to call or not to call. I want to hear their voices, and know that they are not missing me, but by calling I am forcing myself into their thoughts and if they weren't missing me before, they will be now and then I have caused them pain. Yes, I know~I think too much.
I know they are being loved on. Not by Mom, but by people who do love them and this is mildly comforting. But then I think about hugging their small bodies, stroking their hair, hearing their voices and I start to lose it. I can't help it...I miss my babies!
Last year as soon as they left I stripped their beds and emptied the clothes hampers. I thoroughly cleaned the house top to bottom. It didn't take long, we had barely moved in. This year I am purposely NOT doing any of those things. I have straightened their rooms and cleaned the rest of the house...but I refuse to wash the sheets and clothes till they come home. Don't ask why and I won't explain my reasons. I see the neighborhood kids and I tear up, so mostly I sit in the house reading ahead for school and stocking up on sleep. Little man will be here soon and I am pretty sure I will need it.
There really isn't much else going on in my life...missing my kids, my siblings, my friends. One of the yuck factors is that my Mom had to go to WI for work and is out of touch. I do not like this feeling one bit! I am lonely...and there are times I feel the need, (yes, physically NEED) to call and talk to another human being, but there isn't anyone to call. Friends have busy lives and really, I know I have nothing substantial to say so I sit in the house and think to God.
I have no idea what else I should be doing with this time. I've never really been any good at sitting still and doing nothing but resting in the quiet...maybe I'll learn my lesson this time. That or I'll just go mad. :-)
I hope they know how much I miss them. Not because I want them to be sad, or feel bad for me, but because the thought of my babies wondering why I haven't called, shreds my heart! Its a sticky predicament...to call or not to call. I want to hear their voices, and know that they are not missing me, but by calling I am forcing myself into their thoughts and if they weren't missing me before, they will be now and then I have caused them pain. Yes, I know~I think too much.
I know they are being loved on. Not by Mom, but by people who do love them and this is mildly comforting. But then I think about hugging their small bodies, stroking their hair, hearing their voices and I start to lose it. I can't help it...I miss my babies!
Last year as soon as they left I stripped their beds and emptied the clothes hampers. I thoroughly cleaned the house top to bottom. It didn't take long, we had barely moved in. This year I am purposely NOT doing any of those things. I have straightened their rooms and cleaned the rest of the house...but I refuse to wash the sheets and clothes till they come home. Don't ask why and I won't explain my reasons. I see the neighborhood kids and I tear up, so mostly I sit in the house reading ahead for school and stocking up on sleep. Little man will be here soon and I am pretty sure I will need it.
There really isn't much else going on in my life...missing my kids, my siblings, my friends. One of the yuck factors is that my Mom had to go to WI for work and is out of touch. I do not like this feeling one bit! I am lonely...and there are times I feel the need, (yes, physically NEED) to call and talk to another human being, but there isn't anyone to call. Friends have busy lives and really, I know I have nothing substantial to say so I sit in the house and think to God.
I have no idea what else I should be doing with this time. I've never really been any good at sitting still and doing nothing but resting in the quiet...maybe I'll learn my lesson this time. That or I'll just go mad. :-)
Thursday, May 19, 2011
best.kids.ever!!!
I have to brag on my babies a bit...
We have been having issues at dinner because I will fix and meal and as soon as I call everyone to the table I hear a chorus of "i don't want that". So last week, after a funky day I told them they could fix dinner. So last night as I am taking a poll of who wants what because I have no motivation or creativity, Abigail reminds me that it is their turn to cook. Happy Mommy!
She fixed hot dogs, mac-n-cheese, pears and peas. How awesome is that?! She even let Amelia help, just a little bit and not without a squabble, but its still pretty amazing in my book.
Today I took Maelei to get bathed and dipped because the poor girl needed a break! She has been fighting a losing battle with the ticks this year and it was heartbreaking to see her come to the backdoor all bloody when she had knocked one lose. We have done everything we can think of (short of bringing her inside) and still the ticks were winning. Today though she is resting comfortably inside, all fresh and pretty and I''m about to head out to check petsmart for some other options.
This week we also went to Bosqueville's Elementary School Talent Show, and after a slip of the tongue I had to explain to Amelia the next day what a "hoocie mama" was. I'm sorry, but I think that neither a 4th or 5th grader should be wearing a tank that shows their bra straps and shorts that barely cover their hineybo's while shaking it to Rhianna or Lady Gaga or whoever! And that is what I told my daughter...that if your undies show out your clothes, you look like a hoochie
mama.
The SWAT team came to Amelia's school this week and I had yet another "proud" mom moment when she was asked what to do if she found a gun and her response was "keep it!". Luckily, another little girl quickly added "shoot it!" and made me feel a little less like a failure in the area of gun safety education.
It has been a busy week and tonight Abigail has her soccer party, then next week is the final week of school for both girls and Abigail has another party to go to. Friday we are headed to spend some much needed and overdue time with our Bryan peeps before the girls head to their Dads for the first few weeks of summer.
There are approximately 8 weeks left till this little man (hopefully) makes his debut. I am beginning to get really excited about the little things like counting his toes! But I still have LOTS to do to get ready for him...Ryan set up the crib and most of the clothes are hand me downs so they have already been washed and sorted. However I am currently enrolled in 2 classes and I need to knock them out before he gets here.
And finally I am really working on making sure the grirs know that they are still my babies and that Axel won't take Mommy away. I think they are both handlign everything incredibly well, but of course there are still some issues and honestly I would be more concerned if there weren't.
That about sums up what going on in our neck of the woods, till next time :-)
We have been having issues at dinner because I will fix and meal and as soon as I call everyone to the table I hear a chorus of "i don't want that". So last week, after a funky day I told them they could fix dinner. So last night as I am taking a poll of who wants what because I have no motivation or creativity, Abigail reminds me that it is their turn to cook. Happy Mommy!
She fixed hot dogs, mac-n-cheese, pears and peas. How awesome is that?! She even let Amelia help, just a little bit and not without a squabble, but its still pretty amazing in my book.
Today I took Maelei to get bathed and dipped because the poor girl needed a break! She has been fighting a losing battle with the ticks this year and it was heartbreaking to see her come to the backdoor all bloody when she had knocked one lose. We have done everything we can think of (short of bringing her inside) and still the ticks were winning. Today though she is resting comfortably inside, all fresh and pretty and I''m about to head out to check petsmart for some other options.
This week we also went to Bosqueville's Elementary School Talent Show, and after a slip of the tongue I had to explain to Amelia the next day what a "hoocie mama" was. I'm sorry, but I think that neither a 4th or 5th grader should be wearing a tank that shows their bra straps and shorts that barely cover their hineybo's while shaking it to Rhianna or Lady Gaga or whoever! And that is what I told my daughter...that if your undies show out your clothes, you look like a hoochie
mama.
The SWAT team came to Amelia's school this week and I had yet another "proud" mom moment when she was asked what to do if she found a gun and her response was "keep it!". Luckily, another little girl quickly added "shoot it!" and made me feel a little less like a failure in the area of gun safety education.
It has been a busy week and tonight Abigail has her soccer party, then next week is the final week of school for both girls and Abigail has another party to go to. Friday we are headed to spend some much needed and overdue time with our Bryan peeps before the girls head to their Dads for the first few weeks of summer.
There are approximately 8 weeks left till this little man (hopefully) makes his debut. I am beginning to get really excited about the little things like counting his toes! But I still have LOTS to do to get ready for him...Ryan set up the crib and most of the clothes are hand me downs so they have already been washed and sorted. However I am currently enrolled in 2 classes and I need to knock them out before he gets here.
And finally I am really working on making sure the grirs know that they are still my babies and that Axel won't take Mommy away. I think they are both handlign everything incredibly well, but of course there are still some issues and honestly I would be more concerned if there weren't.
That about sums up what going on in our neck of the woods, till next time :-)
Friday, May 13, 2011
sick
Abigail has been fighting some crazy bug all week. She came home from field day last Friday and was very mopey. Saturday she had a soccer game but ended up sitting out most of the game because she felt bad. Sunday it was very evident my girl was sick! :-( Fever and chills, yucky cough and sore throat. Monday the Dr says "its likely just a combo of a virus and allergies and prescribed a benadryl coma and rest". She went to school on Tuesday but came home running fever, which continued for the better part of the week. Thursday we called the Dr, who at that point prescribed an antibiotic. Today she has been (mostly) fever free. She wants to play in her game tomorrow but we will see. It's her Dad's weekend, so I'm gonne let him bear that responsibility. Its been a rough week. I never considered how much it stresses one to have to make the decision of whether or not to go to school. On one hand~ I was more than happy to keep her home, away from whatever illnesses were lurking in the classroom. But on the other hand I don't want her to miss out on those last few days of school. Timing was perfect, since TAKS was over with, but still. Missing 4 days of school seems like alot, not to mention I have to justify all my parenting choices to the one who left.
Anyway~ today has been mostly fever free, she still isn't eating and she took a nap...all this to say she still isn't "right" but at least it feels like we are making progress!
On a side note, Thursday we did go pick up her work so she didn't fall behind. I was really proud of how she sat and completed her assignments with minimal assistance. It was really cute when she asked for a break after finishing her reading and science, before she started math. I think I take for granted how smart and disciplined she is. I know that in the event hell ever freezes over and Brent agrees to let her be home schooled, we will have a great time learning together and that girl will amaze us all! I wish that public school could feed her potential the way I feel I could. It makes me sad to see her time and desire to learn wasted. Now Amelia...thats another story, hahaha!! :-)
Anyway~ today has been mostly fever free, she still isn't eating and she took a nap...all this to say she still isn't "right" but at least it feels like we are making progress!
On a side note, Thursday we did go pick up her work so she didn't fall behind. I was really proud of how she sat and completed her assignments with minimal assistance. It was really cute when she asked for a break after finishing her reading and science, before she started math. I think I take for granted how smart and disciplined she is. I know that in the event hell ever freezes over and Brent agrees to let her be home schooled, we will have a great time learning together and that girl will amaze us all! I wish that public school could feed her potential the way I feel I could. It makes me sad to see her time and desire to learn wasted. Now Amelia...thats another story, hahaha!! :-)
Monday, May 9, 2011
thought of today
As for the people in your life, there are those who love you enough to change their lives to be in yours...and then there are those who just want you to love them enough to change your life to be in theirs.
I think the change should be equal, and that there must be room for growth on both parts in order for the relationship to remain intact.
Who is in your life today~people for whom you've changed, those who have changed with you or just the ones who love you regardless?
I think the change should be equal, and that there must be room for growth on both parts in order for the relationship to remain intact.
Who is in your life today~people for whom you've changed, those who have changed with you or just the ones who love you regardless?
Friday, May 6, 2011
Momma shoutout
First and foremost~to My Momma
This incredible lady gave birth to 9 children, loved us all unconditionally and taught us more than we realized. I wouldn't even know where to begin to thank her for all she has done. She has been there for me when I needed her, wiped my tears and told me to suck it up. She has been my biggest cheerleader and my harshest critic...and now that I have girls of my own I am finally beginning to better understand how amazing she is! You never think about how strong your mom is...until you become a parent. She rarely let us get away with anything, and yet we had a crazy cool childhood. We were allowed (encouraged) to think outside the box. She home schooled before it was cool. Some of our stories get funny looks from our friends, but never fail to make us laugh when we relive them with our siblings. Our parents taught alot by example...they let us see their struggles and as I've said before, what priceless gift that was. I didn't grow up disillusioned, with a false sense of security or confidence. When I did something and did it well, I didn't need a party, because they had taught me that doing something right, the first time, is a reward all its own and that someone else's approval pales in comparison to one's own sense of accomplishment! My parents let me fall, hard and often. I learned that sometimes life sucks...but you keep at it. That you don't throw anyone out of the boat. No one is more important than another~ no matter what color, social class, education. You are who you decide to be and if "the world" doesn't like you~its probably a good thing.
I'd get good and mad at my Mom, threaten to run away, I tried calling her "Nancy" or "mud" for a few days because I thought I was cool. This was one thing she did not let me get away with. Her name was Mom. She taught us the golden rules, and insisted we live by them even when our friends didn't. She yelled on occasion, wasn't afraid to pinch a nerve or wash our mouths out with soap, but her favorite (and most effective) form of discipline was consequence. She didn't bubble wrap us. We had the freedom of choice and when we made a bad one, she let us learn the hard way. I consider this one of my greatest blessings.
To my sisters~y'all may not all be mom's (yet) but you've done your fair share of Mothering me. One thing Mom taught us all was how to take care of our own. And I am just now beginning to grasp the importance of this.
To my friends~who have been in the trenches with me, not afraid to share their stories to help me through my darkest hours. Not just in respect to being Moms, but wives as well. There is so much more to this job than a man could ever truly understand.
To the Mom's who have shared their babies with me~ you have given me one of the greatest gifts, allowing me to be part of your children's lives and hearts. Thank you for letting me love on your kiddos!
This incredible lady gave birth to 9 children, loved us all unconditionally and taught us more than we realized. I wouldn't even know where to begin to thank her for all she has done. She has been there for me when I needed her, wiped my tears and told me to suck it up. She has been my biggest cheerleader and my harshest critic...and now that I have girls of my own I am finally beginning to better understand how amazing she is! You never think about how strong your mom is...until you become a parent. She rarely let us get away with anything, and yet we had a crazy cool childhood. We were allowed (encouraged) to think outside the box. She home schooled before it was cool. Some of our stories get funny looks from our friends, but never fail to make us laugh when we relive them with our siblings. Our parents taught alot by example...they let us see their struggles and as I've said before, what priceless gift that was. I didn't grow up disillusioned, with a false sense of security or confidence. When I did something and did it well, I didn't need a party, because they had taught me that doing something right, the first time, is a reward all its own and that someone else's approval pales in comparison to one's own sense of accomplishment! My parents let me fall, hard and often. I learned that sometimes life sucks...but you keep at it. That you don't throw anyone out of the boat. No one is more important than another~ no matter what color, social class, education. You are who you decide to be and if "the world" doesn't like you~its probably a good thing.
I'd get good and mad at my Mom, threaten to run away, I tried calling her "Nancy" or "mud" for a few days because I thought I was cool. This was one thing she did not let me get away with. Her name was Mom. She taught us the golden rules, and insisted we live by them even when our friends didn't. She yelled on occasion, wasn't afraid to pinch a nerve or wash our mouths out with soap, but her favorite (and most effective) form of discipline was consequence. She didn't bubble wrap us. We had the freedom of choice and when we made a bad one, she let us learn the hard way. I consider this one of my greatest blessings.
To my sisters~y'all may not all be mom's (yet) but you've done your fair share of Mothering me. One thing Mom taught us all was how to take care of our own. And I am just now beginning to grasp the importance of this.
To my friends~who have been in the trenches with me, not afraid to share their stories to help me through my darkest hours. Not just in respect to being Moms, but wives as well. There is so much more to this job than a man could ever truly understand.
To the Mom's who have shared their babies with me~ you have given me one of the greatest gifts, allowing me to be part of your children's lives and hearts. Thank you for letting me love on your kiddos!
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
goings on
This has been a fun week, and yes, today is "just" Wednesday! Monday was pretty chill, catching up from the weekend, highlight was dinner. Amelia prayed , thanking Jesus for dying on the cross and always being in our family. Super sweet. Then the girls somehow ended up in a "I love Momma more" competition. It went something like this...
Amelia: I love momma eight!
Abigail: I love momma ten!
Amelia: I love momma twenty!
Abigail: I love momma fifty!
Amelia: I love momma eighty!
Abigail: I love momma one hundred!
Of course it proceeded into the hundreds, thousands, million billions, then infinity and so on. It sure did make my heart swell to see my girls laughing and saying how much they loved me! :-)
Tuesday was Abigail's first day of TAKS testing and she feels pretty good about it. We won't have results for awhile but I am confident my super smart kiddo did her best and what more can I ask for!
Later that night we went back to the school for the Pre-K round up. We will have to wait and see if Amelia gets in, and wether it will be half or full day, depending on what the board decides about the budget. We had fun running to the car in the rain as a torrential down pour hit right as we were finishing up. Then right before bed, the tornado sirens started going off! Fun stuff!!!
Today Abigail had the reading portion of her TAKS, as she got out of the car I told her, "take your time babe, do your best!" She was very proud to come home and tell me that she was not the last one finished, but that she took her time and was the second to last! LOL, I love that girl!
I also took my glucose test this morning~ not my favorite Wednesday morning activity! Oh well. Now I'm just praying that the reason I crashed so hard after I got home was due to the reoccurring charlie horse that kept me up last night and not a problem with my blood sugar!
In other news I (finally) made a dinner that Ryan approved of and actually thanked me for this week! Small steps and I'll take them, hahaha!
Due to the crazy weather we've had this week there has been no soccer practice but thats ok since she had TAKS. It worked out pretty well in my opinion, hehe! :-)
I'm feeling pretty funky overall. Tired, cranky, uncomfortable, stressed out. But its all good, can't wait to meet this little man who is already turning my world upside down! :-)
Amelia: I love momma eight!
Abigail: I love momma ten!
Amelia: I love momma twenty!
Abigail: I love momma fifty!
Amelia: I love momma eighty!
Abigail: I love momma one hundred!
Of course it proceeded into the hundreds, thousands, million billions, then infinity and so on. It sure did make my heart swell to see my girls laughing and saying how much they loved me! :-)
Tuesday was Abigail's first day of TAKS testing and she feels pretty good about it. We won't have results for awhile but I am confident my super smart kiddo did her best and what more can I ask for!
Later that night we went back to the school for the Pre-K round up. We will have to wait and see if Amelia gets in, and wether it will be half or full day, depending on what the board decides about the budget. We had fun running to the car in the rain as a torrential down pour hit right as we were finishing up. Then right before bed, the tornado sirens started going off! Fun stuff!!!
Today Abigail had the reading portion of her TAKS, as she got out of the car I told her, "take your time babe, do your best!" She was very proud to come home and tell me that she was not the last one finished, but that she took her time and was the second to last! LOL, I love that girl!
I also took my glucose test this morning~ not my favorite Wednesday morning activity! Oh well. Now I'm just praying that the reason I crashed so hard after I got home was due to the reoccurring charlie horse that kept me up last night and not a problem with my blood sugar!
In other news I (finally) made a dinner that Ryan approved of and actually thanked me for this week! Small steps and I'll take them, hahaha!
Due to the crazy weather we've had this week there has been no soccer practice but thats ok since she had TAKS. It worked out pretty well in my opinion, hehe! :-)
I'm feeling pretty funky overall. Tired, cranky, uncomfortable, stressed out. But its all good, can't wait to meet this little man who is already turning my world upside down! :-)
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